The Disconnection from Society as a Veteran with Juan "JP" Perez - Episode #31

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All right everybody welcome back episode 31 of mine over matter this episode we had Juan on he was a part of the Marines

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X Marine got out lives in Chicago now, and that's where I'm from

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ended up meeting um Brandon Nelson sent me a

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Tick-tock made by him about veterans reentering society not necessarily a reenter

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We're getting into society society for the first time so

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Once I saw his Tick-tock it resonated with me I sent him a message on there and sure enough

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We got him on the podcast and it was great. So Kev what you got man?

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Yeah, one thing that always surprises me when we talk to people that weren't in the army is how similar our stories are

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Like we were in the army. He was in the Marine Corps

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But when you get out you're really just a veteran and we kind of talked a little bit about the Marine Corps and the army and our

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differences and a lot of

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Afghanistan stuff so just kind of get into the veteran mindset and then what we really face when we get out

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So it's a really interesting show. I had a great time and let's get into it. Yeah

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I love what JP stands for so just real quick check his link below check out his Tick-tock his Facebook group

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He's really trying to help veterans just like us

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Again, thank you for coming on JP and I hope you all enjoy the show

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All right, everybody welcome back to mind over matter

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We're on episode 31 feeling good feeling great got a nice guest on here today, but first off Kev

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How are we feeling man? I'm feeling good dude feeling really good. How are you?

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I'm alright. I'm alright. We just got done with that um that career fair yesterday or Tuesday Monday, whatever it was a

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Few days ago. Yeah, yeah for y'all who don't know we're

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Trying to help our hardest or trying to do our best at helping

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Teenagers in high school realize you could go into the entrepreneur world a lot sooner

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Then I realized and a lot sooner than Kevin realized it so

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It's a bit tough, but we learned some lessons so far so we went over to a YMCA to a career fair

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And that was a blast. We just kind of got out there and got to see today's youth

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But today we got on one JP

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very excited a buddy sent me over a tick-tock of his and

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It changed my view on my own

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situation real quick and

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Basically what the tip top was saying was look we if you're a veteran you're not reentering society

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You're entering for the first time again. You never like personally. I didn't go into society because during high school

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I didn't know what I wanted to do and then after high school. I was like, you know what easy out

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Let me go to the military

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Army seems fun. Yeah, so I ended up joining the military did great at times

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But yeah, once you get out, that's like the hardest part and that's how me and me and Kevin actually started the podcast is

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Just had not much to do didn't know where to go our minds were racing and just started the podcast to get some thoughts out there

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So JP, how are you? How you doing? Tell people who you are a little bit

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Doing great man. Best day ever. First of all, I'm JP. Thank you guys for having me here. I really appreciate it

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Love what you guys are doing. I think it's awesome to bring together veterans

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And then when you find the way to give them a voice. Well, you know, they're very dangerous in a good way

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So very happy to be here a little bit about me. I grew up in Chicago, Illinois

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At the age of 18 not knowing what the hell I was gonna do with my life

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I enlisted in the Marine Corps the army tried taking me, but you know the Marine Corps. I don't know. It was the uniform

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I went out there

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Fight some dragons, you know, sleigh some dragons

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Like in the recruiting commercials the guys called up giant rock with yes

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Yeah, you know, I went off I did um, I did two tours a couple tours to Afghanistan and then I did a

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Mew which is a basically if you're on a Navy ship just riding around, you know, different oceans

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Did the O3 11 thing which is infantry and then after that

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I was a scout sniper for the end of my deployment my time in the service

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Got out came home

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Realized that I was freaking lost man

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I thought I knew what the hell I was doing cuz I mean I led a freaking sniper team in you know in country

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and then I came home and like

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college kids

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Have a foot up on me cuz they know what the hell they're doing they know about classes their parents have been there for them

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They've had you know counselors that they can talk to I realized I was lost

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I was I was lost and that's when I kind of came to the fruition of like I'm not coming into a world that I even know

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Like this is foreign to me. I'm leaving a world that I know like the Marine Corps for me

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That was my formative years like I that's what I traced everything back to like when I was young a lot of that

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Went away with the Marine Corps because of the way that you know the Marine Corps kind of changes your mind a little bit about some stuff

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And when I got out I came home and I realized like shit

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I don't feel at home anymore like this is not the world that I know and that's kind of like where that came from as far as like

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In my mind we don't come back into society

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We're thrown into a society that we know nothing of and sometimes it's honestly in the matter of a weekend like you get out

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They have this little transition class that doesn't really do much because at the end of the day

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You're still on base. You're still around Marines or soldiers, you know, you're not integrated into society

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And then just like that adios all your boys your best friends

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You know the girls that maybe you used to know that were near base that you on down with

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Your leadership that yeah, your leadership that looked out for you

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Or maybe they didn't the junior Marines that looked up to you or the junior junior soldiers or whoever that looked up to you

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So you felt like you had a sense of service and like purpose all of that. It's just gone like that

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You know, how long did you do in the Marine Corps? I did six years in the Marine Corps supposed to do seven

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I had a contract for seven years, but I did the early out

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Program that they had back in

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2013

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What made you get out though? Was it like just your contract up man? No, man if I could go back

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It's always a girl right it's always a woman

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Yeah, you know, I was dating this girl from Chicago at the time and you know young dominant love I

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Volunteered to do another deployment and it was gonna be a year-long deployment

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I think there was a unit in Afghanistan that needed scout snipers and

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Back when they had scout snipers apparently they're getting rid of them now

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course, yeah

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Yeah, they're getting rid of scout snipers now apparently they don't need them for the next wars I guess but anyway

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um

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They asked it for volunteers for a year-long deployment and I threw my name in the hat

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But you know, I told her about it. She's like well if you're doing that I'm done and you know my young

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dummies, you know

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Got out when I wish I would have stayed in

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I'm taking it that didn't work out with her

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No, man

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That's a whole that's a whole nother video series of like why you don't marry the first thing when you get out

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Like it's just because you find love and all of a sudden like oh someone loves me. Yeah, that's a whole nother thing

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Yeah, you get out the barracks and shit too, especially yeah

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That was that was my big thing man. I got out first first woman

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I met so we'll cross our fingers that it's not that way, but I was I was married in

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The army I got married 19 and then I got divorced because she went over while I was overseas. She was doing her thing

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And then when I got it, yeah, I got a little cadence about her, bro. It's that common

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And then when I got out

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It was the first girl I met like actually showed me like this

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This is what it means to love somebody like I actually gave a shit and I'm like what like completely mind blown because even

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Yeah military. It's like a brotherly love and then you find a girl. It's a coin flip weather and

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whether and then

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Yeah, it was just kind of weird just blew up my eyes like whoa like this. Yeah, this is what real people outside of military

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I'm talking about then then I go around and talk about like my situation and how I got cheated on everything in the military

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Everyone's like yeah, dude join the club when I got the first person

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The first person I told about it was my older brother

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He called me like right away saying like me and all my boys like we can't believe you're going through this good

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Good on you for keeping it up. I'm like, yeah, dude if I didn't everyone at work would call me a pussy

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Like because half of them have done this shit already

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Tune a guys that are fucking in the same boat. Do you yeah? No, man

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How do I want to ask how you um, what was like the first thing you found that made you feel alive again?

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like

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What's he got out? So when I got out I um, I came back to Chicago and I thought about this in one of my videos, too

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but you know my parents were expecting me to move back in with them for a little bit get my bearings right and

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Me thinking I knew what was best. No, I'm gonna move in with this girl that I barely know cuz you know, she's loves me, right?

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So I get out I move in with her and

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You know, she's downtown Chicago and I feel like you know, I can do anything. I'm just a badass

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But I can't find the job. I can't find anything

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I I'm trying to like figure out what I want to even do with my life in my mind. I'm gonna come home

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I'm gonna become a cop, you know and

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By the way, that is what I do now

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But I'm currently working my way out of that because I've decided that it's just it's um

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Without being too too detailed about it

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I just have found something else in my life that gives me purpose and I love being a police officer

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But at the end of the day, I want to just give a little bit more to the world in a different way

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But to answer your question, I am I was fortunate enough

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That before I left

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California there was a Marine recon buddy who told me hey link up with this guy when you get to Chicago

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He'll take care of you and I did I gave him a call his name is Dominic Kearns and he took care of me

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I mean he brought me over to

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Chicago police Marine Corps League Union and right there and then I met my two newest best friends

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Joe Franzi's and Dan Pansarella both Marines and

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They took me under their wing and they treated me like I was the new member of their platoon

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And they were able to kind of guide me through everything that I was kind of going through in this new world that I had never been a part of right

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So like that's when I finally felt like I kind of found something that made me feel alive and like I finally belong somewhere

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And of course it's like belonging, but you're I'm still with Marines right I'm still with other servicemembers

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That was the first time we're actually felt like I found some people that understood me in the real world right?

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it's got to be pretty similar like

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Like law enforcement in the military as far as like the camaraderie and all that shit's concerned right?

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Yeah, so like the the main reason why that's what I wanted to do and why I did that is because

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I missed the team environment

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I missed working in an environment that you know the adrenaline is always pumping

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The environment where you never know what's gonna happen and a lot is expected of you, right?

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So you want to be

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That person that you know people rely on you want to be that person that people look to

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Because you want to keep feeling that sense of service whether we hate it or not when we're in and you know

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We say that you know screw this through that it's to the that's the left and to the right of you at the end of the day

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Like we do get something out of serving out of being of service to people

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Even if we don't want to talk about it too much

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We do get some value out of that and it gives us it gives us kind of like a purpose in life if that makes sense in my opinion

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Yeah, yeah, no, that's uh

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That was my biggest struggle was just I mean, I didn't even know I had to find a new purpose

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Like I didn't even know that's the stage. I was on I just came home and my my parents said come on home move in with us

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Uh, that was the little rocky road

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I just I also grew up in uh, South suburbs of Chicago in homewood. I don't know if you know

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, I know the chief of police over there

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Well, yeah, you might be in the play out, but yeah, yeah, I know we're home. It's a I grew up in in like sister

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Oh, I don't know where sister is just outside the city the road

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No, well, there's this road road and then there's there's sister or right. It's the burrowing and stick me. Okay

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Yeah, okay. You're right outside then. Yeah, like you throw a stone on being Chicago. Okay. Yeah. No, I had about a 35 40 minute drive

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What's better? Yeah. Yeah. I kind of kind of

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It's got his gimmick takes me. Yeah, I moved moved back home

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um

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My thing I just I didn't know how to deal with what I was going through man is I

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I was 23

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Just went through a bunch of stuff and I so I went in as a six years. I did a six year contract because I was aviation

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And at year four they found out I had scoliosis. So I got med boarded and my plan was to do 20

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So already my plan is shattered. Oops. There goes cat

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already my plan is shattered and then

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On top of that like three months before that I got divorced. So that got screwed up

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And then everything at one time just coming down on me or moved back home with my parents

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I started smoking because I was the new kid out of the out of the army. I never smoked never smoked before then and

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They weren't too fond of it. They uh, they've always been kind of against it

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It was my fault for going into their home and thinking they'd be okay with it. Anyways

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I did it anyways, but then I had to find a new place to live and it was just I ended up homeless for a couple days

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Just because I had nowhere else to go. I knew I was going to keep smoking

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And I just I just didn't know what to do. So I had to find a new purpose and

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That right there is the hardest part is even realizing look you got to find something new to do man

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Yeah, like you're done. Don't keep hanging on to the past. You're done. That was it. You got your dd2 14

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That's it man move on to the next

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Yeah, I will well say I'm thankful to the army because I kind of lost my purpose like a year before I got out

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Like when we stopped deploying and really doing much I thought

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It's like what are we doing this for it's like we're we're flying to fly

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For a war that we're not fighting and then we got to keep the helicopters up and it's like okay for what?

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Like this is this is lame and I'm like that's what I decided to get out because people deserve better than that

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from their leadership

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And I I mean I wasn't I knew if I didn't have a purpose there. I couldn't be in anymore

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And so like I got out and then it's

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I wasn't like seeking my purpose. I was kind of just like a

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It'll it'll find me almost. Yeah

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Like you know what I'm saying Trevor like like the shit we're doing now

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Yeah, I well you were more you had more of a religious background. I did it

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So like you had that faith. I was just like lost

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You know I'm saying like you knew deep down something's gonna happen. We'll be fine

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I got home and I figured nothing was gonna happen. I won't be fine

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I didn't have like I didn't believe something was above me looking over me, you know

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Making sure I'm okay. And if you're okay with me asking me, uh jp

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Do you do you believe in a higher power? Did you start believing in one or growing up like what kind of?

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religious background

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I was raised in the Catholic household, you know his his bad at you know, um

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I went to church every sunday during boot camp. I tell you that hey hell. Yeah, hell. Yeah

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You know every service. Yeah, I was I was Buddhist at that point. Um, yeah

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But when I when I got out

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Let me let me back up a little bit. So yeah in 2010 I was deployed to afghanistan

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Um

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I lost I lost it for a little bit there

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A lot of things didn't make sense to me a lot of people, you know close to us died a lot of friends

210
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um, you know blown up by ied's and um

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I didn't see where it was going. I I didn't feel like we made a dent in any game because the population there

212
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They wouldn't really interact with us unless they had to and even then it just felt like it was very much forced and not

213
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I mean look what we're at now, right? So like it just felt like what are we doing here? Like maybe on a specific day

214
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We get into a firefight. We do this we do that. Yeah, sure

215
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but in the grand scheme of things it just didn't feel

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much of like

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I didn't feel like god was in that kind in in the world to be honest at that point

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So it took me a while to kind of work my way back to kind of feeling some sort of faith

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I think it's mostly come back in the last

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probably

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three four years because

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To to kind of caveat to what happened when I got out like

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I got out and I didn't take the time to

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Get to know who the hell I was I was I was a marine veteran

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and I you know got out

226
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Got married became this cop and never once did I take a moment to like find out who I am

227
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Besides that right? So I was resting on the laurels of my past

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And I was living in the moment of the adrenaline that I was feeling and then when all that kind of came crashing down around me

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divorce

230
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Lost of purpose at work

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That's kind of when when god really kind of played a part as far as like me trying to find out who I am and when I found out who I was

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Now I found out that there is more to life than than just what we're doing here, right?

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It kind of I can't really blame you though for getting kind of nihilistic being over in Afghanistan. It's I know what you mean

234
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It's like you could

235
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Ask anyone that's been over there for more than a half hour. You can't you could not fix what was going on there

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We could have been there for a hundred years and nothing would have got done

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It's just to me. It's interesting that that caused me to develop faith, but it made you lose it almost

238
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Yeah

239
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It's like a wonder that's because like I had none going in

240
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It could be it could have been like, you know the reverse effect as far as like you none and then coming out with something and then

241
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Me the other way around that that could have been it

242
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And yeah, how'd you feel than watching when we left?

243
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Man, um

244
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So when we left

245
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It was very rough for me for a few reasons

246
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A lot of major life stuff happened for me at the same time here like in the real world now, right?

247
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And like, uh, I lost a lot of sense of purpose in my career field

248
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Um, what I was doing that I got a lot of purpose over in the department

249
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It went away got taken away from me

250
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And I lost what was my purpose in life, right?

251
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So then I got real kind of depressed about that and then Afghanistan's up and then the drawdown and then the way we left it

252
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and like any faith I had in our country and like

253
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And us actually doing something for these people out there

254
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It all went away. It was destroyed and what pisses me off the most

255
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is not like

256
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It pisses me off that we lost people over there and my friends and all that but it also pisses me off that we

257
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We lied to the population

258
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And we told them that we would be there for them and we had interpreters and we had some villagers

259
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Who helped us we had kids that would be friendly to us and they would be killed by the Taliban

260
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And we just left them all there to freaking get slaughtered. We didn't care. We didn't we didn't have a plane for them

261
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All the people that did support us when we were there. We just fucking abandoned them

262
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So it was very hard for me. I I started doing therapy again because of that. That was kind of the factor

263
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That got me into therapy again, which is good because I needed it anyway, but that was the one that went like

264
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Yeah, because like the Taliban they got like a list of people that work with the u.s.

265
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:55,080
Yeah, yeah from what I know, right like oh, yeah, I mean they they know man like

266
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They were never gone. They were in the population. They were mixed in they were just waiting in their time

267
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Biding their time. I mean

268
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They knew man, you know, they knew and it was like for us Kevin at our location in Afghanistan when I arrived

269
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They were like, yeah

270
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Right across the country

271
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They were like, yeah, right across that flight line. There's about

272
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:21,880
That's the Afghan National Guard. There's about 30 people in there. What ties to the Taliban

273
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,720
Yeah, wow, so they're just a mile across the road from us

274
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And they're that well connected and so once we pulled out I could only imagine what happened

275
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Like I wasn't there, but I could only imagine

276
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:39,160
I remember seeing that. Yeah, them they're like, oh, yeah, the ana is over there

277
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Yeah, and I already kind of knew that a lot of them were in the Taliban and I'm like, bro, I could like

278
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I can see their little how like

279
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,800
airport over there, dude, I hopped in the helicopter and they had um

280
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,440
that little helicopter

281
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Video thing on the bottom of it. So the Chinook had it was like the x-ray

282
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I hopped in there and I had to do something for our hydra hydrax guy

283
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:05,000
And I took the little camera and I looked in each one of those buildings

284
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There's a yeah, there's like guard posts across the street. I looked in each one not a single person in there

285
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So I don't even know if they were even there. I could have just

286
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,080
off

287
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but

288
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Yeah, that was one of my biggest things is when I came home to my parents

289
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And I wanted I wanted to sit them down because before I joined

290
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,280
What happens is I ended up failing out of college

291
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:30,280
I failed one class twice and that was it and it just felt like the world was crumbling

292
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:35,000
So we went into a room my parents we sat down and this was the first real life talk

293
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,360
We're about to have about my future

294
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,920
So it sat down talked about it

295
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:44,920
Like I really blew my mind because both of them were in tears and I was just standing there like a little idiot at 18

296
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Not knowing what I'm gonna do

297
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But both my parents are in tears right now because I'm failing college

298
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,960
Yeah, so finally I went to the military and on my way back. I was like, all right

299
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,240
I'm gonna do the same thing

300
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:59,480
I'm gonna get home and I'm gonna tell them what my life was like and then what I'm looking to do in the future

301
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:05,480
So when I got home, I told them like my my opinion on our wars and they they grew up

302
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:07,800
right-winged

303
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:14,360
Right-wingers in Chicago. So I was already interesting enough. Yeah, and then I came home and I'm like look

304
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,680
What we're doing over there and I was in tears as I couldn't I could not believe

305
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:23,000
If you really think about what we're doing over there, it is cruel to other human beings

306
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:29,000
I and I was a part of it

307
00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:33,160
It like it didn't click because I'm like look we're doing this over there

308
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:36,920
We're doing this over there. We're doing this over there and these are just other humans

309
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,880
We just simply don't agree on one subject or whatever it is

310
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We don't agree on something and we're called it's enough to cause a war where we are all fighting with our sons and daughters

311
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To kill each other and I I mean this was going on

312
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I had no idea what I was doing it for until I got home after my first deployment. I'm like, okay

313
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,160
What am I doing over there?

314
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,800
You know, I wasn't even going over there with that right purpose

315
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:04,680
So it was just kind of hard to come home and tell them look this is this is wrong what we're doing really

316
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:09,960
And then it got worse. I mean it even got worse once we pulled out of afghanistan even went even more wrong

317
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,960
But it was hard for me to explain that to somebody not in the military

318
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:22,360
Now, it was just hard for me to come home. Look, this is what is happening. I was out there doing it

319
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:26,760
Being a part of it. Listen to me and it's just it's almost still too hard to

320
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,240
comprehend

321
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:33,960
Makes me think like is it a net negative for society to where most people are ignorant

322
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,280
Of how bad it is

323
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:39,800
I think so I think so and a prime example of like

324
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,320
Why it was doomed from day one is that

325
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,320
That so the a and a

326
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:51,720
It's not like our national guard like they don't serve where they live, right? So like they're they're getting deployed, you know from

327
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:56,440
I don't know. Illinois to texas, right? They have no ties to to where they're serving

328
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:00,600
They are just there they don't care. They're not going to die for their country

329
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:05,400
They are going to maybe die for their their province, but they're not in their province. They're they're somewhere else

330
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:10,280
And you're fighting you're fighting a local insurgency different than iraq

331
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:15,880
Because the insurgents were brought there. They were fighting a different type of war. They were fighting a real jihad

332
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,200
but in

333
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:23,000
Afghanistan this is this is their livelihood. This is what they've been doing for years. This is their community

334
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,000
This is where they live. This is where they prosper

335
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:32,520
All they have to do is fight and then hide fight and they hide and the thing is that they do it so well that they actually

336
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,280
Are fighting for something because to them it's real

337
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:41,720
The a&a doesn't give a damn about where they're fighting at because they have no ties to that area

338
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:48,680
They just want to get a paycheck and go home and the fact that we thought that we were going to leave that to them

339
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,840
Just in my mind. I just I could not believe that that was the plan

340
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,120
Like I just like they have no national

341
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,840
sense of pride the way we do

342
00:24:59,000 --> 00:24:59,960
no

343
00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:03,880
No, it's very much like province-based and like even then like

344
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:07,880
You know like from what I hear now. It's much more divided

345
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:16,280
Um, just to just saying put a little bit of humor on this. I recently read an article on vice that the Taliban are now

346
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:22,600
Uh showing signs of PTSD and that they missed the war and that they they don't like working office jobs

347
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,160
I

348
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:29,880
I thought of when you're in the Taliban, you're like, yeah in the S the paperwork department or something

349
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:35,720
Yeah, yeah, I don't like sitting at my desk. I missed the war. I missed the jihad. I gotta take out of that

350
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:40,600
Shit, dude, I remember I remember walking back from chow, right?

351
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,400
And I'm like thinking how could like I'm thinking way back

352
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:49,400
How could people walk across this land and think you know, this seems like a good place to you know hang out for a little bit

353
00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:52,840
And then I'm like, well shit. That's why they've been at war

354
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:57,000
For fucking ever like that's all there is. That's all there is to do

355
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:01,960
Yeah, ain't shit else out there to do what's that fight. It's like a five mile stretch

356
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:06,760
You can see the horizon like in the middle of wherever we were it was all around us

357
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:12,840
You could see like five miles out like ain't nothing there. There's nothing to do nothing to go see

358
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,720
Nowhere to hang out

359
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,760
They have the the religion aspect too like I know in like Islam

360
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,920
There's like the Sunni and the Shiite like they got different aspects of it

361
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:29,000
But it's like those people probably agree on 99.9 percent of things

362
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:34,280
It's just that 100th of a percent that they're all just well, let's just kill each other over this

363
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,400
Yeah, it's very tribal. Um, and Afghanistan like

364
00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:40,680
Very tribal. There's there's elders. There's leaders

365
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:46,360
Um before I I went I actually I they sent me to a posh to a course. So I actually spoke

366
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:52,120
I wouldn't say conversationally, but I I did get a chance to like talk to some of the locals a little bit

367
00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:56,840
And that was interesting. Um, you know, I I I love that I got the chance to do that

368
00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:01,560
But I mean from tribe to tribe, they don't they don't visit each other. They don't really talk to each other

369
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,040
It's all about like right there who lives right next to you

370
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,640
You're small little like basically like a gated community like that's it

371
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:13,000
Because they're super isolated, right? Like they're not like here where you can drive from a town to another town

372
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,560
It's like you're on the side of the mountain for markets

373
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:19,400
Like, you know for for the trade they do have some trade and some markets and stuff like that

374
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:24,200
But mostly no like you'll see that they're in a state that's looted right there to their load like, you know

375
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:25,960
Village

376
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,880
Yeah, it's it's like I just was torn about the whole thing. It's like yeah on one hand

377
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:33,160
I think this was absolutely like an unwinnable war. I think

378
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:38,360
Personally, I think we could have been there for a hundred years and it wouldn't matter. We shouldn't have been there in the first place, but

379
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,240
just me

380
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:42,520
Like

381
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,640
But I like I was glad we were leaving. It's just the way we went about it

382
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:51,320
It was like you couldn't have designed a more like a worse exit if you wanted to

383
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:53,400
Yeah

384
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,480
Like that's what hurts so many is like

385
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,200
Yeah, we flew in there more careful

386
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,000
Yeah

387
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,400
Like what the hell man. Yeah, man

388
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:09,640
It's a crazy time too to be in the military just because it's so easy to access information from people

389
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:13,000
Yeah, like I if i'm a recruit, right?

390
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,800
I can go on reddit and see what people are actually complaining about

391
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:21,400
Yeah, like you're you're 100 right. I'm experiencing that right now. Um, I let me cut you off. Sorry

392
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:29,880
So so like with some of the videos that I posted that um, I've received a lot of uh new followers that are like active duty

393
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:35,880
Like their first year in I could not even imagine talking to a vet. I didn't know what the hell the veteran was

394
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:39,160
Yeah, my first year like I could not I didn't I didn't know any veterans

395
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:43,880
I didn't I didn't have the idea of what a veteran was and like now you could be in

396
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:52,120
Talking to a veteran that's been out freaking 15 years now almost and like ask questions about what is my future gonna look like

397
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:55,160
You can prepare yourself or have an idea of what you're gonna do

398
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:59,000
But like yeah, everything's out there for you to find you can contact anyone like I

399
00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:02,040
We barely had hulu when I was in like I mean

400
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:04,760
Yeah

401
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:10,840
But now though like because with Afghanistan too, it wasn't like the government could just say oh, yeah went great

402
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:12,760
like

403
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:19,560
People could see people falling from airplanes. Yeah, they weren't cahoots about it. Like they had a backdoor deal like it was just

404
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,080
It was just it was disgraceful what we did. I mean

405
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,520
There's no excuse for that

406
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:32,440
Yeah, that's like the biggest thing too is it's just getting pushed under the rug like there was an excuse for it or something

407
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:36,920
Like it's just no one's talked about it since and it's just nobody

408
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:44,040
How could that be like we were we were there for how long how could this just be swept under the rug after a week

409
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,920
You know, we still have troops in Iraq

410
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:49,160
Yeah, yeah

411
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:51,160
I just found that out recently

412
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:58,600
We're like a third of Syria. I heard too. Yeah, I didn't I didn't even well. Yeah, our buddy's over in iraq have they're right next to Syria

413
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:03,320
I think yeah, yeah, that's what the base is up there for and they're taking casualties

414
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,960
Yeah, no one's not no thoughts about this nobody talks about

415
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:11,560
Yeah, it's like the hidden war kind of that we're still fighting

416
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:18,040
It's like just because we removed a large ground element from the ao does not mean that there aren't people there still

417
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:19,800
Yeah

418
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:26,600
Yeah, it's crazy. How yeah actually thinking about it. We have people taking like americans taking casualties over in iraq

419
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,600
But the news is all you cray

420
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:32,040
Yeah, man, they they it's it's no longer

421
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:36,840
It's not gonna get the money that nobody cares about anymore. So why would they talk about it?

422
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:41,080
It's not gonna, you know, create a stir for them. So therefore like they're gonna just move on

423
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,440
They're gonna move on to the next hot topic, you know, they're gonna talk about something else and

424
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,520
It's just not popular anymore, you know, that unfortunately

425
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:55,320
Or fortunately we're so far removed from 9-11, you know, knock on wood nothing like that ever happens again, but like

426
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:58,040
Without something like that. I don't think the country would have gone to war

427
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:03,320
I don't think we would have backed up to what happened. I don't think we would have been willing to just, you know, send our sons and daughters out there

428
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,760
You know and and hopefully nothing like that ever happens again

429
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:11,720
But like we're so far removed from that that just no one has any sense of like, you know, country anymore

430
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:14,200
We're all divided and live in our own little lives

431
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:16,920
I would say that

432
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:20,360
If we had tiktok and twitter

433
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,240
Since say 1776

434
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,240
We wouldn't have gotten into a war after probably

435
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,360
World War II

436
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:35,720
So is it Korea, Vietnam, Iraq the first time the second time in Afghanistan like yeah, you think

437
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:41,160
You think people would have bought though the wmd thing if we had twitter right now

438
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:43,720
I don't think so man

439
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:47,320
I don't think so because everybody has a phone right everybody everybody

440
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,440
Posts videos and and you know, someone would have

441
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:52,680
Been like there's nothing here. See, you know

442
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:56,600
Yeah, it's like we're having recruiting issues right now

443
00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:01,320
It's because people can go on reddit and talk to soldiers and marines and find out what the reality is

444
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:04,040
Yeah, but have you seen some of these recruiters man?

445
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:05,880
No, what do you mean?

446
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:06,680
Oh, trash!

447
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,680
Yeah, I haven't talked to any

448
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:13,800
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but like my my freaking my my recruit my staff sergeant freaking looked like John Cena, man

449
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:15,640
Yeah, I had a sniper

450
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:20,680
I wonder if you know man like the uniforms just like

451
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:25,880
Uh, it's still my Marine Corps or whatever, but like it just ain't the same anymore. You can tell

452
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:33,240
Yeah, no, I mean I hear that's like the toughest spot you can be in the military is being a recruiter

453
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,440
I was I was close to uh, I was close to being a marine

454
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,480
Yeah, they gave me a long hard talk for like

455
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,480
45 minutes and they really made me think and I was like

456
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:49,080
Did they put the uh the honor curts commitment like the little pins on front of you in the table that you got like

457
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:54,600
Choose which one means the most yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just this yeah, that's how they got

458
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,360
Yeah, but I never got a sword

459
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:06,360
That's how they get you man, that's how I like how I like what y'all stand for like I could tell the marines

460
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:08,600
Had a closer brotherhood than the army

461
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,000
But I didn't yeah

462
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:15,160
I didn't have the opportunity to go work on helicopters like the army called me and said hey

463
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,720
You could work on helicopters right now if you sign

464
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,360
Nice, so I did but

465
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:23,720
But yeah, I was I was close to a marine and then Chicago was at my high school

466
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:26,520
It was almost only the marine guy. I never saw an army guy there

467
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,080
Well, you know why a man just like

468
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:33,080
Like you hit you hit the nail on the head like we do have a tight name brotherhood just like

469
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:37,320
There's less of us, but you seem to see more of us because when we leave like

470
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:43,000
We celebrate the birthday every year we get to the other every year. It's the only time of the year I get drunk and

471
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:45,000
um

472
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,000
honestly like

473
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:48,520
it's it's

474
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:53,000
It's almost a good thing, but it's also a bad thing because as a soldier when you get out

475
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:57,800
You're not tied to the military as much but like dude as a marine like and it could be wrong here

476
00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,800
but like for as a marine bro like

477
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:05,080
It's hard to separate yourself from that because like you miss it so much. It was so much of who you were

478
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:07,080
that

479
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,080
I mean it happened to me instead of me

480
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:15,240
Making friends with civilians who who probably would have been just fine to be friends with I still gravitated towards marines

481
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:22,280
And I kept like my little safety net because that's all I knew just boot camp freaking brain washes you and like the marine

482
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:27,320
Is is the only thing that you'd like know how to talk to because they're the only people that get you just we speak different

483
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:30,680
We are different. Yeah, most of us are assholes. We're all very cocky

484
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:34,120
But yeah, man, it's just it's a different type of like club. I guess

485
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:38,600
I yeah, I will say I think in the army we have more of a unit loyalty

486
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:42,840
Then I'd say the Marine Corps when they have like a whole branch loyalty

487
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:47,960
Yeah, they move around a lot too like they don't really keep you in units for much of a lot if you get promoted

488
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:49,960
They typically try and move you around

489
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:52,360
How many units were you in then?

490
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:58,280
So I was in two different units and even even within that unit I moved around a lot because they don't

491
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:05,320
They don't have every MOS in every unit. So like when I was initially with 3 1 Lima company

492
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:09,800
I was a rifleman, but when I went out and I tried out for stapleton, which is the snipers

493
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,400
They moved me to weapons companies. So technically still 3 1

494
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:15,880
But typically like if you reenlist

495
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:20,120
They're gonna move you somewhere else like almost guaranteed. They'll move you somewhere else

496
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,680
Even when they promote you they'll move you to a different platoon

497
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:26,600
Because they don't want you like mingling with your bodies. They want you to separate yourself

498
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:28,440
So they do that where they like

499
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:32,120
Want you to still be an asshole to the the Marines because you know, they're not your buddies type shit

500
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:35,960
Yeah, well, yeah, because we had the exact opposite

501
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,440
In the 160th it was like I was in the same shop

502
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:45,160
From my time when I got there as a e2 to when I left as a staff sergeant like

503
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,120
The entire seven years I was in this one place

504
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:54,040
And like sometimes I would hear people talk about pcs or you know transferring when they got promoted

505
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:59,640
And I'm like, I guess that would be nice, right? But on the other hand, I think you could build a lot more loyalty

506
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:02,440
If it's done correctly, right Trevor

507
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:08,840
Yeah, I was I was a big fan of staying. I was lucky enough to only do four years. But the whole yeah the whole time I was there

508
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:11,720
Whole time I was there

509
00:36:11,720 --> 00:36:18,440
It was cool because yeah, it was like a unit loyalty thing like everybody here knows we're all here all staying here

510
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:22,040
Now that I think about it

511
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,040
I think the Marine Corps does it on purpose like that

512
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:29,000
Because when you get a brand new staff sergeant who doesn't know you doesn't like you

513
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:31,400
It's gonna be a lot easier for him

514
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,960
To yell at you and counsel you and tell you what to do

515
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:36,920
Then if you knew him when he was a sergeant, so like

516
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:42,760
I think it's a reason they do that because like I remember so many staff sergeants that we got or gunnies from like different platoons

517
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,480
Different from the east coast that we had no idea who they were

518
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:49,080
And just like that they turned it on and they were they were that gunny, you know

519
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,560
Hey, come here corporal come here last corporal if you're not

520
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:57,560
A person to them. You're just just a ranger. They don't know you I think the Marine Corps does it that way for a reason, you know

521
00:36:57,720 --> 00:36:59,720
Yeah, yeah for us

522
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,040
First first name basis for

523
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:04,680
Everyone I talked to

524
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,000
Yeah, we didn't yell at anyone really

525
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:11,880
Oh man, some people did but like I can recall twice that I yelled at someone

526
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:17,000
Not even I wouldn't even say yell like raise my voice not like I'm yelling like I'm actually pissed off, but like

527
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:20,120
I'm a little bit pissed off so I'm louder, but that was like a

528
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,960
Two two occasion type thing that yelled it a lot

529
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:30,760
But like no, I remember when I got promoted to e5 and I was an SEO and it was

530
00:37:31,720 --> 00:37:36,360
Like the the dude who was in charge of our shop when I got there he got got promoted at the same time

531
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,360
I did more or less. So he was still kind of my boss

532
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:42,680
But he would tell me all the time like I got to be meaner to people and like

533
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:47,720
I'd smoke people more and yell at people and it's like that's just not my style. That doesn't work with people

534
00:37:47,720 --> 00:37:50,040
It's not your style and it's not the new kid style

535
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:52,840
Oh, no, I heard it different now

536
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:56,920
Oh, what do you mean? What do you mean? I've heard that

537
00:37:57,800 --> 00:37:59,480
I don't have any stories to back this up

538
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:04,600
I've just heard from like a few of the people that like are on like messaging me on tits out that they're still in right now

539
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:10,520
That there's no unit loyalty that everyone is just out for themselves. There's no not even like

540
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:16,920
Loyalty between like your leadership like there's no war or you know that we think they're yeah

541
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:22,040
So like you're not training to go to war where you know, this guy's

542
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:25,960
Life is in your hands and your hands and your life is in his hands

543
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:31,240
So like from what I've heard like leadership is terrible. NCOs are not the same way

544
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:33,960
They used to be where they look out for the junior enlisted

545
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:38,040
From what I heard it's very much like everyone's kind of out on their own right now

546
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:44,120
And I hope I'm wrong, but I've heard that from a few people that they don't have like leadership that looks out for them

547
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:47,240
I mean, I'd say you're probably correct

548
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:53,480
At least partially just because society I think as a whole has gotten more like that. Yeah. Yeah

549
00:38:54,920 --> 00:39:00,920
Like like individualists. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's my biggest thing. So actually this is what I wanted to talk about finally

550
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:02,920
I got it onto my head

551
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:08,440
I'm talking to other people like I brought this up on a couple other ones just even talking to another person

552
00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:10,760
is hard

553
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:16,280
Because I don't know if I'm doing something wrong like just like I feel like I'm going to say something wrong. I feel like

554
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:21,720
Being a veteran in general, it's a coin flip on whether they support you or not

555
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:30,440
I don't bring up anything military and I almost just kind of stay quiet and try to say things that society will think is okay

556
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:38,040
So it's like hard to be it's hard to be me and luckily for me. I got throughout my med board process. I had that it was like

557
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:42,680
Six to eight months where they didn't know if I was getting kicked out. I might have been kicked out

558
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:48,280
Or med boarded like they just didn't know so for that six months and then about a six months to a year after

559
00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:52,360
I was lucky enough move home get paid off the VA and go to school

560
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:56,120
To kind of understand who I was and who I'd like to become

561
00:39:56,120 --> 00:40:00,200
So I did have that that little grace period, but it's still I mean

562
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:02,920
It still wasn't easy

563
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:07,320
Yeah, like I didn't I don't say like I didn't want people to

564
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:11,400
Know that I was a veteran, but like that wasn't who I was

565
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:16,360
Like that wasn't the central part of my personality like I was more that was just something that I did right

566
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:17,560
Yeah

567
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:18,840
Let's go

568
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:23,560
Like I didn't base my my life moving forward often. I talked about that when you get out the army like

569
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,160
I was like

570
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:27,160
Developing your personality aside from the army

571
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:31,400
But like we were in special operations. That was we were not supposed to be army

572
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,040
E out

573
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:36,520
Yeah, yeah

574
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:39,400
You know what I'm saying? I still look like the village people going to get dinner

575
00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:44,600
Yeah, because you gotta you gotta build a little more trust with like between the special forces community and like

576
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,480
You don't really have that when you're kind of an asshole to everybody

577
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:52,360
So you you kind of like become a little more humble and a little bit of more of a human being right? I mean

578
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:58,840
Oh, dude. Yeah, you don't even know like you even people like us like we weren't up on the totem pole

579
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:04,520
So to speak but we still had to interact with ground force guy or even like not even in a business capacity

580
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:08,520
Just like you're in the same camp. You're gonna be in the same gym at the same chow hall

581
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:13,640
Like you have to be friendly and you can't be like oh almost almost staff sergeant

582
00:41:13,720 --> 00:41:17,240
Blah blah blah it's like you don't even know what right the other guy is most of the time

583
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:18,600
Yeah

584
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:23,080
And on top of that you the chances of this guy being able to beat your ass is a lot higher than you

585
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:24,440
Oh

586
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:25,800
100% bro

587
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:29,160
I was in I was in the gym and I saw a dog working out with this dude

588
00:41:29,720 --> 00:41:33,400
Wait the dude actually he had a blackhawks hat on so I should have said something to him

589
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:38,280
But I was still too much of a bitch. I'm like dude this dude's training a fucking dog in the gym right now

590
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:40,360
I ain't gonna say damn word to homie

591
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:43,720
How crazy is that?

592
00:41:43,720 --> 00:41:48,120
No, but like I didn't I didn't want to be like the vet that like got out and had like the 511 gene

593
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:50,440
On like the marrow boots like

594
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:55,960
But the whole it's like a the veteran starter pack. You see that was me for the first year like

595
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:05,720
Here's a starter pack can't be you can't be mad dude cannot be mad. That's all we know. That's all we know

596
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:07,800
That's why it's a starter pack

597
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:17,160
What but you you outgrew that though I did and you're right that's that's not what we should be

598
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:21,640
Um, but yeah, man that that was me. I um, I went to I went to

599
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:24,040
I signed up for college

600
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,040
And uh, that's what I wore

601
00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:31,640
I tried not to but you know eventually I did outgrow it, but I had the fucking camel backpack like an asshole

602
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:37,080
And then I think one of the things that really like did it for me of like I need to quit this shit

603
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:38,360
um

604
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:40,360
I was in one of my college classes

605
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,360
And I was um middle row. I think

606
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:48,120
I was like listen to the professor trying to learn, you know freaking notebook in hand taking notes a little green one

607
00:42:55,560 --> 00:43:00,360
In the military they issue these out like candy. So yeah, everyone's got these little green notebooks

608
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:03,400
And like you don't even need to be taking notes, but if you don't bring one

609
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:08,040
Yeah, you better have one. Yeah, I had one. I never wrote anything down

610
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:11,000
Like I have the time I would use someone else's land

611
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:14,120
Nice

612
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:18,440
You gotta have that though when you go to anything man. I gotta read some of this one day

613
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:20,440
um

614
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:24,120
So I'm I'm in class and this girl falls asleep in the front row

615
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:25,800
Oh

616
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:32,120
Sleeping like snoring and I'm looking around like it's no one like there's someone sitting next to her. I'm like no one's in

617
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:34,680
And no one says anything

618
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:39,720
They just blow right past it and this is 2013. So this is 10 years ago. So like it was normal then

619
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:44,520
Right now. It's probably even worse people probably like rack out in the back of this classroom by now, but

620
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:50,040
In the middle of brick. Yeah in the middle of the break. Uh, I get up and I go up to her

621
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:55,560
Yeah, and I woke her up. You might just show some damn respect female. Don't like that

622
00:43:56,520 --> 00:44:02,040
I'm like listen if you're here fall asleep stand up because that's what was done to me. That's what I was talking for freaking six years

623
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:09,080
I'm like that's leadership looking out for others making sure people aren't sleeping making sure the person talking is being respected

624
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:12,040
And that was in my brain man like dude in my brain

625
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:16,280
And the professor pulls me aside. So hey, were you in the military?

626
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:18,760
Yes, sir. I was I thought he was gonna say thank you to me

627
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:23,480
He's like no like these like you got you got to stop like what you just did right now

628
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:26,920
Like that's that's not okay in society. Like you can't

629
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,400
Tell people what to do

630
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:34,920
Like they're not gonna take it the right way if she's tired. She's tired. She's sleeping. She's sleeping. Is it disrespectful?

631
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:36,440
Yes, it is but like

632
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:40,200
You're not in anymore and I think that was the moment that I kind of woke up and I realized like

633
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:43,560
I'm not in anymore. I'm not surrounded by people that are like me

634
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:48,120
I'm surrounded by people that are not that like me and I'm the outsider. I'm the new one. I'm the freaking boot

635
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:50,600
I'm the one that has to adapt. You know what I mean?

636
00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:56,280
Yeah, it's like you didn't realize like I'm not gonna get in trouble if this chick is sleeping

637
00:44:56,280 --> 00:45:00,600
Right, I that's what that might have been it like right there in the back of my head. I mean

638
00:45:03,720 --> 00:45:07,800
Like you probably in your heart of hearts, we're not more concerned with the professor being

639
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:10,680
Disrespected so much as you were like

640
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:18,360
Like you're gonna ask chewing like a staff. So why is this why is this lady sleeping? Yeah?

641
00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:21,240
Yeah, like we're all about to get smoked right now because

642
00:45:21,240 --> 00:45:23,240
This

643
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:29,000
Bro, I was very vocal about that like with with a pt

644
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:33,240
especially like if I didn't get in trouble for you either not being there or

645
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:37,400
Being bad at pt or being too fat bro. I don't like I didn't give a shit

646
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:39,080
But like I'm not gonna get

647
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:41,800
Invested if I'm not gonna get in trouble if

648
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:43,320
something

649
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:47,880
Yeah, like like one dude that we're great friends with when he got out the army it was like

650
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:50,920
It was like three months where he was showing up at like

651
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:58,840
11 to noon or one and then leaving after like an hour and like he was getting out and like shortly after that and like

652
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:04,520
I I saw it happen a few times and I'm like oh, that's weird whatever like I'm out of my business

653
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:09,800
And then like after a week. I'm like, okay. No one gives a shit about this like why am I gonna make a big steak like

654
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:12,440
If I was gonna get in trouble I already would have

655
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:15,160
And it was so easy

656
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:16,840
Why would I care?

657
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,880
Yeah, but but like you hadn't developed that yet. It sounds no

658
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,080
No, man. I did not I did not just like

659
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:25,960
Sorry about the baby in the background

660
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:28,760
So like what happened with me is um

661
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:33,960
So like when when most Marines when they're getting out like they're called, you know terminals

662
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:36,600
Like they're getting out. They they barely show up to formation

663
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:42,520
Their sleeves are rolled down to here. You know, there's no more kind of like, you know, a spirited core. We call it right

664
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:44,280
but like with me

665
00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:49,640
I was um, I was the chief scout for my scout sniper platoon. So like my lieutenant leaned on me heavily

666
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:54,600
Which then I loved I didn't mind it. I I still had a purpose, right?

667
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:58,680
So I had to like develop training. I had to get guys ready for sniper school

668
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:02,440
I didn't have that chance of like chilling out and not showing up and stuff now

669
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:07,320
Now I wish I would have but like back then it gave me purpose up until like the day I left

670
00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:11,080
And then it was all I stripped away from me. So like that didn't really do me any good, right?

671
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:15,880
But like I wish I would have had that time to like, you know, kind of ease back into like the chill mode

672
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:18,120
They squeeze you out

673
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:26,520
The fucked up part two is no one told you like when you leave here, they're gonna forget about you so fast

674
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:30,360
I was so offended man. Um, a guy got out, uh

675
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:36,200
Like two weeks before I did and they gave him a pink belly, you know, that's what we do

676
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:38,600
And I didn't get one and I was so angry

677
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:44,360
Oh, no, they forgot about me. They moved on. I saw I saw pictures of the platoon

678
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:49,400
Doing cool sniper shit and like, you know, I'm not there anymore. Like they've moved on

679
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:51,240
I gotta move on too

680
00:47:51,240 --> 00:47:57,080
No, yeah, you got to be a special type of guy to where like they remember you after you leave. Yeah. Yeah

681
00:47:57,560 --> 00:48:02,200
No, like special as in like died for a reason or something like that type of special

682
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:07,160
Yeah, you had to make like an impact or like be known for something. Yeah other than that

683
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:15,400
Yeah, no one's no remembers you no one's gonna call you. I mean you got your your homeboys, but yeah, you know, it's crazy is um

684
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:20,760
I my first my first platoon for the first uh, three years

685
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:24,760
It was uh infantry platoon and I went to combat with them

686
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:30,600
My my second kind of time in there the last three years. I was with the star of cyber platoon

687
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:34,920
We didn't go to combat together. We went on a mu we didn't we didn't experience combat

688
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:37,560
We deployed to like different places for training and stuff

689
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:41,960
But they were the last ones that I knew right so you would think they'd be the ones that I kept in touch with

690
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:46,840
But no man, I don't I don't talk to any of them. I talked to the guys that I went to combat with the guys are like

691
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:52,360
Really got damaged man. Just like from that platoon that that group of people like

692
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:55,480
three of my

693
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:57,480
Three of that people three of the guys enough to that

694
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:00,040
Have taken their lives

695
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:02,440
Uh, oh

696
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:06,280
Um, you know nothing man like no no we don't keep in touch

697
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:08,840
Everyone seems to be doing their own thing

698
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:15,320
But like I have a group chat on on snapchat with the guys that I went to afghanistan with who I've been even

699
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:19,480
Are there removed from and the guys that I was with last

700
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:25,880
So I think that really like solidifies a bond with you know, who you serve with and depends what you do with them

701
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,840
Yeah, I I I really only talk to

702
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:30,840
Two

703
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:35,320
Two or three people that were in the same job as me and then

704
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:42,760
Everyone else that I talked to that's still in I spent time overseas with them or on a trip with them or whatever it is

705
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:48,920
It's yeah, I mean I talked to the rest of the hangar more than I talked to my old job really. Yeah

706
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:51,880
Yeah, I still try to talk to people

707
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:55,080
I've been trying to do that more recently like hit up people I hadn't talked to

708
00:49:55,080 --> 00:50:01,640
And a while and especially like the veterans that also got out around the similar time as me like even the ones that

709
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:04,680
Were not the best soldiers

710
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:10,840
Yeah, like I still want to like hear them do good in life and breathing and breathing like I'm sorry

711
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:15,640
That's that's like the biggest thing for me is I don't know when I'm gonna get a call the next day

712
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:18,120
Good from so that happens to you guys

713
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:22,440
Like you get a phone call from one of them and you like you just you know, you're gonna pick up

714
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:26,920
But you're you're like breath stops for me you stop breathing for a second because you see the name and you're like

715
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:30,200
I don't know it's happened to me three times

716
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:34,280
We're like I see a phone call and it's one of my buddies that I haven't talked to in two years

717
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:37,720
Who I would deploy to have James Dan with and like I'm scared to answer the phone

718
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:40,120
Because it's happened already. We're like

719
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:42,120
They so and so, you know took his life

720
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:44,520
so like now

721
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:49,640
Now the aptitude that I I I was with we've made a better effort of actually talking to each other more

722
00:50:49,640 --> 00:50:52,840
We have a group chat on snapchat that we keep in touch with

723
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:53,880
But dude for a while man

724
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:58,680
I like I was scared to talk to them because I I didn't want to look at my phone and see one of their phone numbers

725
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:01,960
And then me thinking like another one of the guys, you know took their life

726
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:05,080
Yeah, no, I mean

727
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:07,960
We've not had to deal with that. Thank god

728
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:09,640
but

729
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:10,600
We uh

730
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:15,560
At least personally like I think it's it's one of those issues where we can affect a lot of change just

731
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,200
at our level

732
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:20,200
Like we can call people

733
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:24,040
Like that like one thing I hate is this 22 push-ups a day thing

734
00:51:24,520 --> 00:51:29,480
That drives me up a wall like the people that do it have good intentions, but you're not saving anyone's life doing push-ups

735
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:32,440
Yeah, no

736
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:36,920
Yeah, luckily I've never been in that situation, but I've been on the flip side where I've had to give the call

737
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:39,320
I'm like look man

738
00:51:39,560 --> 00:51:41,560
I got this to

739
00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:43,800
Like I'm not in the right spot

740
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:47,960
Uh, I don't know what to do. I don't know where my feet go

741
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:51,400
Like I literally don't even know what to do with my life right now

742
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:55,880
And no, I mean my little brother was the one that answered luckily someone answered

743
00:51:55,960 --> 00:52:02,520
But even that was enough for me to to realize like look there's no way. I'm the only one alone with this

744
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:05,160
and

745
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:06,680
I don't want to put

746
00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:11,240
That burden the the burden of seeing my name on someone's phone and thinking oh no there goes trevor

747
00:52:11,240 --> 00:52:17,160
Like I don't want that burden to be placed on anybody because of my name. So that's that's honestly

748
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:21,800
That's what flipped my mind about is like I need to stand for something and if there's anything I'm gonna stand for

749
00:52:21,800 --> 00:52:27,000
I don't know a greater cause than this because I mean like you said, we're just getting thrown out into the life again

750
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:33,400
Hopefully we know how to deal with the real world after they've trained us on how to deal with it

751
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,200
Like it's just you you don't know what to do

752
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:41,240
You don't know where to go from 18 to whenever you got out like I was 19 when I joined

753
00:52:41,720 --> 00:52:45,480
19 to 23 I was always told what to do where to be what uniform to be in

754
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:52,360
Yeah, I was told what to do and you finally get and and you're always like itching like finally I get to get out

755
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:54,520
And do whatever I want

756
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:59,000
You get out. You're like, you don't know what you want to do. Yeah, you're like fuck. What do I want?

757
00:52:59,160 --> 00:53:01,240
And the paycheck stop, you know

758
00:53:01,240 --> 00:53:07,800
Yeah, I will say the ours. I think our generation too of like younger vets has a lot of um

759
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:11,720
Like we have a lot of educating we can help people with

760
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:17,080
Just as newer veterans realize I'm like before I joined I thought of the veteran, right?

761
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:19,960
I'm thinking like a vietnam guy at the vfw

762
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:22,680
Like he's like

763
00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:26,360
No messed up, you know, but like that wore fuck people up

764
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:29,560
But I think now we can kind of show people like

765
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:34,600
This is what veterans are and they're not like all psycho assholes

766
00:53:35,160 --> 00:53:38,360
Yeah, we're not all gonna be homeless. We can hold down jobs and like

767
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:44,440
Especially with ptsd. That's a big one. I'm passionate about like because there's so many misconceptions about it

768
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:50,040
Oh, man, it's like we can really help educate people and say, you know, this isn't something that is

769
00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:55,640
It's affecting most of us, but it's not we're not having flashbacks in the Walmart

770
00:53:55,640 --> 00:54:02,040
Or waking up in the middle of ice screaming. It could just be forgetting things. Yeah, it really it really can be and like

771
00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:04,680
something else I want to talk about is um

772
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:10,680
There's veterans that don't even realize they have ptsd because maybe they feel like they don't deserve it or rate it because maybe

773
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:13,480
Maybe they went to combat or maybe they didn't

774
00:54:13,720 --> 00:54:19,160
But like you gotta understand like it is traumatic to like grow through what you grow through in the military no matter what like

775
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:21,800
I mean the Marine Corps like

776
00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:25,800
When you get promoted you get the shit beat out of you like where else in the world does that happen?

777
00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:30,360
Like that's not important. Well, yeah, yeah, you guys are normal. We're the best

778
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:33,480
But the ones but like you go through so many things man

779
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:35,400
And like you don't realize that it's traumatic

780
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:40,440
You don't realize that it changed you and then you get out and to touch a little bit about the whole like coming back

781
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:42,440
Into society and that we were never part of it like

782
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:48,120
Normal 18 to 23 year olds you name it like they go through stuff

783
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:53,480
But they have ways of dealing with it. There's resources their parents are still there

784
00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:58,920
They have other students that are going through it who can talk to them because it's not stigmatized of getting help

785
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:00,920
But for us

786
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:05,000
You can't talk about your problems. You can't go and bitch about this. You can't complain about that

787
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:09,080
You better figure out on your own and if you fuck up if you buy that freaking

788
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:11,800
Cadillac with 23% interest off face

789
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:15,880
You're not gonna get talked to like nicely like listen man. You messed up like let's figure this out

790
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:20,280
No, you're gonna get freaking counseled and spoke into like a child. So like now it's in your head

791
00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:23,000
Like I can't talk people when I fucked up. So like now

792
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:28,680
Instead of having this coping mechanism of like being willing to ask for help when you get out of the military

793
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:33,960
You feel like you guys fit around your own and that's not the way it is in the real world in the real world

794
00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:38,360
Like there's counselors in colleges that you can like literally go to and ask them

795
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:43,000
How do I do this? I want to switch my classes. I don't know how to do this and they will help you with everything

796
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:46,360
But like this veteran's man like we don't we don't look for those resources. We don't know they're there

797
00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:49,320
And we don't want to find them because we feel like we have to figure out our own

798
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:51,800
So like you come into the society that has been functioning

799
00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:57,240
Perfectly without you and you just don't have the tools or the resources or even the mindset

800
00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:02,920
To try and change the way you think to even like not to survive in society but to thrive in society

801
00:56:02,920 --> 00:56:06,920
And unfortunately some veterans never get past that and that's that's my biggest thing like

802
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:10,200
For a while I rested on the laurels of my past

803
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:16,280
And it took a lot of mindset work and a lot of bad things happening in my life freaking divorce

804
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:19,000
loss of family friends committing suicide

805
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:21,480
you know

806
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:23,320
binge drinking

807
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:28,280
Gained 50 pounds to overweight just hating my life and like realizing like this is all happened

808
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:33,560
because of the military and I know it's like very dangerous to make that connection but

809
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:39,560
I didn't get help for a lot of things PTSD because of the military because it was stigmatized because I didn't want to get help

810
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:41,800
Because you know what I got to be a tough son of a bitch

811
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:46,760
I married the first girl out of you know the military because finally somebody loved me right

812
00:56:47,160 --> 00:56:52,520
I drank my ass off because in the military when you drink you got that buddy next to you that supports you

813
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:55,720
And he's carrying you out on the base. Yeah

814
00:56:56,520 --> 00:57:02,520
But like now all these vices that were like maybe a problem when you were in now you have no choice

815
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:06,280
Now you have no control over there's no one there that's going to get you to morning formation

816
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:11,560
There's no staff sergeant just gonna look out for you when you you know get a DUI or whatever night now you're on your own

817
00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:18,440
So like all these problems in my opinion they happen because when we get out we don't assimilate into society

818
00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:21,000
And I know assimilation is like not the right word

819
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:24,840
But we don't find a way to kind of integrate into society the right way

820
00:57:25,320 --> 00:57:31,240
So we develop all these problems and then one day when you're freaking 26 years old

821
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:35,640
It just blows up in your face and then you're like what I need therapy. I need help

822
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:40,280
I need to deal with this and some veterans don't deal with this some veterans decide like

823
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:42,280
I'm out

824
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:46,840
Some veterans decide that they just they can't do it and that's the sad part really because at the end of the day like

825
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:49,480
There's programs out there those resources

826
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:55,240
But on top of all of it there's people like you guys like veterans that are willing to talk about these things veterans that are willing to like

827
00:57:55,240 --> 00:58:01,320
You know, I think that's what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to get out of this situation and get out of it

828
00:58:01,640 --> 00:58:06,760
Actually have these conversations and I'm starting getting a little passionate, but like it bothers me just like

829
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:10,360
I don't necessarily only think about my buddies

830
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:12,040
That took their lives

831
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:14,440
I think about their kids man

832
00:58:14,840 --> 00:58:19,000
Because I have I have a son now, you know, and I could not imagine him

833
00:58:19,880 --> 00:58:24,040
Growing up without a father because I made a decision because of something in my past, right?

834
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:29,080
I did as a veteran instead of getting the help because it's been stigmatized for so freaking long

835
00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:34,760
I don't know man. I just I things got to change man, and that's what I'm trying to do

836
00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:37,960
That's what you guys are trying to do and I really appreciate you guys doing this and then I'm sorry

837
00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:43,000
I went on my rant a little bit. No, man. I I completely understood like everything you said there

838
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:44,840
I even had a problem with it today

839
00:58:44,840 --> 00:58:46,600
I broke down in tears today

840
00:58:46,600 --> 00:58:49,720
Because I ran into a situation where I didn't know the answer

841
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:53,480
And I didn't know where to find the answer. I don't know who to call for the answer

842
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:58,680
I didn't know what resources start with and I literally like I I'm tearing up now thinking about like I just

843
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:02,440
I don't know and if I don't know the answer. I don't know where to go

844
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:06,680
I don't know who to find it from like I just don't know and

845
00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:12,360
Yeah, that's that's what got me to the point where I wanted wanted to offer myself because I didn't know

846
00:59:12,600 --> 00:59:15,720
I didn't know who to go to to find out and finally

847
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:20,200
Kevin brought in religion into my life. So finally when I don't know something something

848
00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:25,400
I'm just like, you know what it it's fine. I know I'm still here. I know everything's gonna be okay

849
00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:30,360
I know for the past 25 years of my life. I've been a good person in general

850
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:35,160
I know nothing bad could happen that big to where I have to freak out just because I don't know

851
00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:40,680
Right, it's because I've I've been told like you have to know this show up here. You know this show up here

852
00:59:40,760 --> 00:59:44,840
You know this show up here. You know this don't know what happens, right when you don't know

853
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:49,880
You know you face. I mean you face your pay you lose your pay if you don't know sometimes

854
00:59:50,200 --> 00:59:53,240
Yeah, man, like you gotta know everything you gotta be

855
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:57,240
They teach you like you have to be resourceful. You have to know everything like dude

856
00:59:57,240 --> 01:00:01,240
Like it's just it's not realistic and they they they breed what they need

857
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:05,080
Yeah for the military, right? But then the moment that like you're done

858
01:00:05,560 --> 01:00:12,600
They wash their hands of you. There's no there's no real transition like period like dude like literally overnight like I'm I was gone like

859
01:00:12,600 --> 01:00:16,040
You know, let's just a little overnight. I was off base

860
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:20,680
You know, my buddies kept doing their shit. They were out in the field doing their thing. But like, dude

861
01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:23,480
What am I doing now? You know

862
01:00:23,480 --> 01:00:26,440
Yeah, you just got no idea. It just is

863
01:00:27,080 --> 01:00:31,400
It's tough and like you said, it's just a community. We we don't know where to go afterwards

864
01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:33,960
We have no where to go. We don't know who to talk to

865
01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:39,960
And for me, my biggest thing is because in the military I struggle drinking so much if I show up to a vfw

866
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:44,680
I'm leaving with a dui. Yeah, that's that's the whole another like

867
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:51,880
I I don't have issues with the vfw because I know they're trying and I know that that's kind of what they're built around

868
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:53,880
But like that that you're you're right

869
01:00:54,360 --> 01:00:57,880
like unfortunately like alcohol is a huge trigger for a lot of veterans and like

870
01:00:58,360 --> 01:01:00,360
I mean that is as a way of like

871
01:01:00,840 --> 01:01:05,480
They don't have a limit and that's what they use to kind of like, you know, drown out their pains and

872
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:12,600
I mean, there's other stuff out there too right nothing just a vfw like I know that they're trying but that is what it's built around, you know, yeah

873
01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:15,960
Yeah, no, it's end to most of us drink to

874
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:19,320
Get drunk. It's not like right. I get a little

875
01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:23,720
Yeah, yeah, I try to be too social about I will I will say though

876
01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:28,840
It it really highlights the importance of being the person that others would want to reach out to I'd say

877
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:33,240
Yeah, I might not want or need to reach out in that minute, but

878
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:39,240
But if someone had to and they didn't want to call me because like I'm a dick or whatever like I would feel like such a failure for

879
01:01:39,640 --> 01:01:41,640
Yeah, like

880
01:01:41,560 --> 01:01:45,240
I think we we could do a little bit better of a job of

881
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:47,960
Like being nice to people

882
01:01:48,360 --> 01:01:51,480
And not judgmental and being the person that someone would want to call

883
01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:54,600
Yes, and open up to like that. Yes

884
01:01:55,640 --> 01:01:57,640
That's that resonate for me a lot man

885
01:01:57,960 --> 01:02:00,760
Because I was I was an asshole for years

886
01:02:00,760 --> 01:02:05,160
Like I'm not gonna lie like in the Marine Corps like that was my role in the platoon

887
01:02:05,240 --> 01:02:08,360
I was the fucking people of the platoon like

888
01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:12,920
It's where I fit in because that's I grew up in Chicago and like

889
01:02:13,800 --> 01:02:19,720
You know, it's just like it's where I fit in and dude. I got my purpose out of that. I felt I felt accomplished

890
01:02:20,520 --> 01:02:24,120
And little by little man, I started I started shedding some of that shit away and

891
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:28,680
I kept some of it because it did help me with the police department and what I did there

892
01:02:28,680 --> 01:02:33,480
Um, but dude, I I I don't want to I don't want to be salty anymore. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to like

893
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:37,480
You know develop freaking heart problems because I'm always stressed out about stuff like

894
01:02:38,120 --> 01:02:43,080
I want to give love into the world and and like actually bring positive into this world is like

895
01:02:43,080 --> 01:02:49,080
It's already hard as it is man. And like if we don't become that like beating the light for like a veteran to like reach out like

896
01:02:49,960 --> 01:02:52,760
So I saw that video that you saw one of the videos that you saw

897
01:02:53,800 --> 01:02:55,800
One of my buddies who I hadn't talked to you

898
01:02:55,800 --> 01:03:01,000
In like 10 years actually like typed a message in there and I like reached out to him. I didn't recognize him

899
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:03,560
He's like, hey, you know

900
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:07,560
Perez, how you doing? And as soon as he called me Perez. I'm like

901
01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:10,600
Yeah

902
01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:16,040
And I'm like north up. He's like, yeah, man, um, and we've been talking man and like

903
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:21,560
Um, not to put his business out there, but like, you know, he needed someone to talk to you and there's nothing wrong with that

904
01:03:22,200 --> 01:03:24,200
Um

905
01:03:24,200 --> 01:03:29,800
But you know, he was willing to talk about it because you know, I I made myself a little bit vulnerable and put myself out there and

906
01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:34,120
Like by you guys doing this and by talking about it. It helps a lot man

907
01:03:34,120 --> 01:03:36,680
Because it it destigmatizes a lot of things that people

908
01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:41,400
Like don't want to talk about or they feel like they can't or they don't even know where to talk to

909
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:47,560
You know, so like it's it's definitely helping. Yeah, the bit. I appreciate that first off

910
01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:49,320
Sure, for sure

911
01:03:49,320 --> 01:03:52,120
But yeah, the biggest thing is just bottling it up

912
01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:54,120
Like it

913
01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:59,400
Uh, I I still have problems just day to day. I bottle it up. I don't don't know why I still do it and

914
01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:04,280
Girlfriend today said look man, you gotta stop doing this to me because it's just like every three weeks

915
01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:10,360
I get blown up with all this information because you just you can't talk talk about it on a day to day basis

916
01:04:10,760 --> 01:04:13,880
So I'm still getting better. This podcast doesn't make me perfect

917
01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:16,360
But it's still like gradually

918
01:04:16,840 --> 01:04:18,840
being able to talk about just

919
01:04:18,840 --> 01:04:24,280
How I messed up because I went a different path than most go so and

920
01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:29,720
Being able to explain that to someone who hasn't gone down that path

921
01:04:29,960 --> 01:04:31,960
It's got to be one of the hardest things in the world

922
01:04:32,760 --> 01:04:38,760
Being able to say look this is why I am and then I have like self doubt like

923
01:04:39,320 --> 01:04:41,480
Is that really why that's who I am?

924
01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:44,360
Like is this really the issue or am I just making up an excuse?

925
01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:46,760
Because in the middle of the day

926
01:04:46,760 --> 01:04:51,960
Just making up an excuse because in the military you make up an excuse to get out of work or whatever it is

927
01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:58,360
You better be ready to do more push-ups. So so you ignore it and you suppress it. Yeah, because you don't want to identify it

928
01:04:58,680 --> 01:05:03,160
Yeah, but yeah, man, there's there's life after the service. You you are not who you were

929
01:05:04,040 --> 01:05:10,520
So that resonates with me man. Like when I when I started I started doing therapy when I like in 2015 for a couple years

930
01:05:10,520 --> 01:05:16,600
Um ended up stopping and then like like I mentioned I started back in therapy because I know what it does and like

931
01:05:17,320 --> 01:05:23,080
Whether you're against her for it then the day it gives you a medium to like talk. Yep. And if you can put it in words

932
01:05:23,800 --> 01:05:25,800
You can make sense of it. You are in

933
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:30,360
You are on the right direction of like trying to like deal with it

934
01:05:31,320 --> 01:05:36,520
Yeah, I agree. That's like the the biggest thing for me in in therapy and that's why we do this too

935
01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:40,440
Is because I mean there's been a number of people saying look, this is like a therapy thing

936
01:05:40,760 --> 01:05:46,200
And that's exactly me too. I mean, that's why I love doing it, man. I'm able to get it off my chest too

937
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:48,760
Yeah, man, and

938
01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:52,120
There's even today tough day doing a lot of stupid stuff

939
01:05:53,000 --> 01:05:58,840
This still isn't something I'd like to cancel. I'll cancel everything else before I would cancel one of our podcast episodes

940
01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:03,800
Just because I know that's I mean shoot yesterday. I canceled one of my therapy things

941
01:06:03,800 --> 01:06:09,480
I had to take Kevin to the airport. So I just had to cancel it and I get a replacement with this today just

942
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:11,720
just because

943
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:13,960
lucky enough to have created something but

944
01:06:16,360 --> 01:06:18,200
Oh, where was that?

945
01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:19,880
Yeah, the

946
01:06:19,880 --> 01:06:22,920
Oh, shit my bad. Go ahead. You were saying how cool I am

947
01:06:24,440 --> 01:06:30,360
Uh, one last thing I wanted to ask you those. Um, yeah to the vet center getting out sooner

948
01:06:31,160 --> 01:06:33,160
I recently got out

949
01:06:33,160 --> 01:06:36,600
It's like one one thing you wish you had learned or know before you

950
01:06:37,960 --> 01:06:42,040
One piece of advice maybe you could get the person getting out sooner recently just got

951
01:06:42,760 --> 01:06:44,760
Yeah, so it's a good question. Um

952
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:47,800
If I if I had to like really

953
01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:51,960
Think back to when I got out and think now about the vet center getting out now

954
01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:55,000
If I could give him a piece of advice, it would be that

955
01:06:56,200 --> 01:06:58,200
They have to find, um

956
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,600
A new purpose in life a new mission

957
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:07,160
Um, a new reason to get out of bed whether it's volunteering somewhere going to college joining the club

958
01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:12,200
Playing a sport becoming a member of a team and some fashion way or another

959
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:14,200
Like you have to become part of something else

960
01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:16,840
And it doesn't have to be something that's permanent in life

961
01:07:17,320 --> 01:07:23,400
It just keeps you being a part of something where you don't lose your purpose right away. So eventually. Yeah, you can transition and

962
01:07:24,440 --> 01:07:26,440
spread your wings out a little bit more but

963
01:07:27,000 --> 01:07:29,000
going from having like

964
01:07:29,000 --> 01:07:30,200
a

965
01:07:30,200 --> 01:07:34,440
A group of like best friends that like you can pick up your phone and call them and like

966
01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:37,160
To being on your own

967
01:07:37,160 --> 01:07:43,720
Like that was the biggest mindfuck for me of like being on my own and like all that I was surrounded by was college students

968
01:07:44,040 --> 01:07:48,120
Who didn't understand me my parents who I couldn't explain things to very very similar

969
01:07:48,120 --> 01:07:51,160
Like what you said and then like, you know my girlfriend at the time who like

970
01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:56,360
I ended up blaming for like me getting out. So like I felt completely lost

971
01:07:56,360 --> 01:08:03,640
The moment that I found that group of like veterans that kind of took me under their wing and helped me navigate life

972
01:08:04,840 --> 01:08:08,680
That right there saved my life meant is I don't know where I would have been if it wasn't for them

973
01:08:08,680 --> 01:08:14,440
And I mean I I'm I stood up at one of their weddings. I'm best friends with them. We have a group chat

974
01:08:14,440 --> 01:08:18,760
We still talk. So if I had to give like one piece of advice, I would say that when you get out

975
01:08:19,640 --> 01:08:23,080
Don't seclude yourself. Don't feel like you are an alien to this world

976
01:08:23,080 --> 01:08:27,080
Become part of something and it doesn't have to be a veteran organization

977
01:08:27,080 --> 01:08:29,080
But you've got to find a reason

978
01:08:29,560 --> 01:08:33,720
To get about a bed to be a part of something to be a contributing member to society

979
01:08:34,200 --> 01:08:39,160
That's the most important part of my opinion find something that you can actually give back to the world

980
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:44,200
That that will help you feel purpose again because we lose it when we get out

981
01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:48,200
Right on. Yeah, that's well put man

982
01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:56,200
No, I'm just thinking too real quick. Yeah, like also be patient with yourself like you get now you got to make new rules for yourself

983
01:08:56,520 --> 01:09:03,000
Yeah, try on error and it's not going to happen overnight. Thankfully with the military we're used to you know, everything taking six months

984
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:07,960
so like don't expect perfection just be patient with the process and

985
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:11,160
Be there for other people. I'd say it's a big

986
01:09:12,360 --> 01:09:13,800
That's why we started this man

987
01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:18,760
We wanted to start creating a community and even if it's just every one person we get on the episode

988
01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:23,080
Like that's fine. That's a big enough community for me. You know, it's

989
01:09:24,040 --> 01:09:25,160
finding

990
01:09:25,160 --> 01:09:30,040
Finding more people that you're able to just talk openly to and if it's like this like for me

991
01:09:30,440 --> 01:09:36,200
It's easiest for me coming on this show not knowing who you are. Honestly. That's the easiest way of doing it

992
01:09:36,520 --> 01:09:38,520
I don't know who you are. You don't know who I am

993
01:09:38,840 --> 01:09:41,720
We come on here and look at all this common ground we found

994
01:09:41,720 --> 01:09:45,080
Yeah, I love the way you do it. Yeah, like it's just

995
01:09:45,720 --> 01:09:48,280
I don't know finding finding someone to talk to man because this

996
01:09:49,320 --> 01:09:54,280
One thing Kevin taught me while in the military is you are not the first one to go through this man

997
01:09:54,920 --> 01:09:56,920
You are not the first one like

998
01:09:57,960 --> 01:10:01,000
Whatever you're going through you're not the first dude that's had to go through it

999
01:10:01,320 --> 01:10:04,680
I'm gonna steal that one Kevin. No, go for it. No, like when he's getting divorced

1000
01:10:04,680 --> 01:10:07,080
I bring you ain't the first dude in the army to get divorced. Yeah

1001
01:10:08,280 --> 01:10:10,760
People people have survived worse. Yeah

1002
01:10:10,760 --> 01:10:15,080
Yeah, that's true, man. I like that. Yeah, so it just it made me feel not alone man

1003
01:10:15,160 --> 01:10:17,480
I wasn't alone. I knew someone did it before me

1004
01:10:17,480 --> 01:10:21,880
So there's got to be a community out there of the people that I had it done to them or something

1005
01:10:21,960 --> 01:10:22,840
so

1006
01:10:22,840 --> 01:10:27,480
Just really try to like you said find a new purpose and that like it took me

1007
01:10:28,120 --> 01:10:31,320
Six months to find out that I had to find a new purpose. Yeah

1008
01:10:32,120 --> 01:10:35,560
I had no idea I had to do it. I had patience I'm talking about dude. Yeah, so

1009
01:10:35,560 --> 01:10:40,440
Yeah, be patient, but I guess uh, yeah, I'm running low on time over here, man

1010
01:10:41,080 --> 01:10:44,280
We got to get you back on again, man, because this was unreal. I love you, man

1011
01:10:44,280 --> 01:10:50,040
Yeah, I had a great time. You guys are freaking awesome, man. Yeah time time flew man. I had no idea that was this was

1012
01:10:50,360 --> 01:10:57,720
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like what the fuck dude? This was great, man. I appreciate this. This was a big old good old fashion gripe session

1013
01:10:58,520 --> 01:11:01,720
Dude, thank you guys so much for having me on. I really appreciate it. It was a pleasure

1014
01:11:01,720 --> 01:11:09,000
Um, you guys are freaking awesome, man. You guys are building something beautiful here and I'm very lucky to have been a part of it tonight

1015
01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:13,400
So I really appreciate you guys. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Thank you and everyone else

1016
01:11:13,560 --> 01:11:17,640
We're gonna leave a link down below to his tiktok. We'll leave a link actually to our discord

1017
01:11:18,040 --> 01:11:20,920
And hopefully we could start getting a community a bigger better

1018
01:11:21,480 --> 01:11:23,960
community for us veterans out here because

1019
01:11:24,760 --> 01:11:26,760
It's hurting every day. We're hurting so

1020
01:11:26,760 --> 01:11:30,760
If we could if y'all could show us your support

1021
01:11:31,720 --> 01:11:36,280
Yeah, hurting as a team in the community, but yeah, that's that's all we got for this episode

1022
01:11:36,360 --> 01:11:41,880
Hopefully see you guys next time. We appreciate you watching and thank you again jp for coming on and sharing your story, man

1023
01:11:41,880 --> 01:11:57,880
For thank you guys. Appreciate you