The Disconnection from Society as a Veteran with Juan "JP" Perez - Episode #31

0:00 All right everybody welcome back episode 31 of mine over matter this episode we had Juan on he was a part of the Marines X Marine got out lives in Chicago now, and that's where I'm from ended up meeting um Brandon Nelson sent me a Tick-tock made by him about veterans reentering society not necessarily a reenter We're getting into society society for the first time so Once I saw his Tick-tock it resonated with me I sent him a message on there and sure enough We got him on the podcast and it was great. So Kev what you got man? Yeah, one thing that always surprises me when we talk to people that weren't in the army is how similar our stories are Like we were in the army. He was in the Marine Corps But when you get out you're really just a veteran and we kind of talked a little bit about the Marine Corps and the army and our differences and a lot of Afghanistan stuff so just kind of get into the veteran mindset and then what we really face when we get out So it's a really interesting show. I had a great time and let's get into it. Yeah I love what JP stands for so just real quick check his link below check out his Tick-tock his Facebook group He's really trying to help veterans just like us Again, thank you for coming on JP and I hope you all enjoy the show All right, everybody welcome back to mind over matter We're on episode 31 feeling good feeling great got a nice guest on here today, but first off Kev

1:32 How are we feeling man? I'm feeling good dude feeling really good. How are you? I'm alright. I'm alright. We just got done with that um that career fair yesterday or Tuesday Monday, whatever it was a Few days ago. Yeah, yeah for y'all who don't know we're Trying to help our hardest or trying to do our best at helping Teenagers in high school realize you could go into the entrepreneur world a lot sooner Then I realized and a lot sooner than Kevin realized it so It's a bit tough, but we learned some lessons so far so we went over to a YMCA to a career fair And that was a blast. We just kind of got out there and got to see today's youth But today we got on one JP very excited a buddy sent me over a tick-tock of his and It changed my view on my own situation real quick and Basically what the tip top was saying was look we if you're a veteran you're not reentering society You're entering for the first time again. You never like personally. I didn't go into society because during high school I didn't know what I wanted to do and then after high school. I was like, you know what easy out Let me go to the military Army seems fun. Yeah, so I ended up joining the military did great at times But yeah, once you get out, that's like the hardest part and that's how me and me and Kevin actually started the podcast is Just had not much to do didn't know where to go our minds were racing and just started the podcast to get some thoughts out there

3:03 So JP, how are you? How you doing? Tell people who you are a little bit Doing great man. Best day ever. First of all, I'm JP. Thank you guys for having me here. I really appreciate it Love what you guys are doing. I think it's awesome to bring together veterans And then when you find the way to give them a voice. Well, you know, they're very dangerous in a good way So very happy to be here a little bit about me. I grew up in Chicago, Illinois At the age of 18 not knowing what the hell I was gonna do with my life I enlisted in the Marine Corps the army tried taking me, but you know the Marine Corps. I don't know. It was the uniform I went out there Fight some dragons, you know, sleigh some dragons Like in the recruiting commercials the guys called up giant rock with yes Yeah, you know, I went off I did um, I did two tours a couple tours to Afghanistan and then I did a Mew which is a basically if you're on a Navy ship just riding around, you know, different oceans Did the O3 11 thing which is infantry and then after that I was a scout sniper for the end of my deployment my time in the service Got out came home Realized that I was freaking lost man I thought I knew what the hell I was doing cuz I mean I led a freaking sniper team in you know in country and then I came home and like college kids Have a foot up on me cuz they know what the hell they're doing they know about classes their parents have been there for them

4:34 They've had you know counselors that they can talk to I realized I was lost I was I was lost and that's when I kind of came to the fruition of like I'm not coming into a world that I even know Like this is foreign to me. I'm leaving a world that I know like the Marine Corps for me That was my formative years like I that's what I traced everything back to like when I was young a lot of that Went away with the Marine Corps because of the way that you know the Marine Corps kind of changes your mind a little bit about some stuff And when I got out I came home and I realized like shit I don't feel at home anymore like this is not the world that I know and that's kind of like where that came from as far as like In my mind we don't come back into society We're thrown into a society that we know nothing of and sometimes it's honestly in the matter of a weekend like you get out They have this little transition class that doesn't really do much because at the end of the day You're still on base. You're still around Marines or soldiers, you know, you're not integrated into society And then just like that adios all your boys your best friends You know the girls that maybe you used to know that were near base that you on down with Your leadership that yeah, your leadership that looked out for you Or maybe they didn't the junior Marines that looked up to you or the junior junior soldiers or whoever that looked up to you So you felt like you had a sense of service and like purpose all of that. It's just gone like that You know, how long did you do in the Marine Corps? I did six years in the Marine Corps supposed to do seven I had a contract for seven years, but I did the early out

6:04 Program that they had back in 2013 What made you get out though? Was it like just your contract up man? No, man if I could go back It's always a girl right it's always a woman Yeah, you know, I was dating this girl from Chicago at the time and you know young dominant love I Volunteered to do another deployment and it was gonna be a year-long deployment I think there was a unit in Afghanistan that needed scout snipers and Back when they had scout snipers apparently they're getting rid of them now course, yeah Yeah, they're getting rid of scout snipers now apparently they don't need them for the next wars I guess but anyway um They asked it for volunteers for a year-long deployment and I threw my name in the hat But you know, I told her about it. She's like well if you're doing that I'm done and you know my young dummies, you know Got out when I wish I would have stayed in I'm taking it that didn't work out with her No, man That's a whole that's a whole nother video series of like why you don't marry the first thing when you get out Like it's just because you find love and all of a sudden like oh someone loves me. Yeah, that's a whole nother thing Yeah, you get out the barracks and shit too, especially yeah That was that was my big thing man. I got out first first woman I met so we'll cross our fingers that it's not that way, but I was I was married in The army I got married 19 and then I got divorced because she went over while I was overseas. She was doing her thing

7:38 And then when I got it, yeah, I got a little cadence about her, bro. It's that common And then when I got out It was the first girl I met like actually showed me like this This is what it means to love somebody like I actually gave a shit and I'm like what like completely mind blown because even Yeah military. It's like a brotherly love and then you find a girl. It's a coin flip weather and whether and then Yeah, it was just kind of weird just blew up my eyes like whoa like this. Yeah, this is what real people outside of military I'm talking about then then I go around and talk about like my situation and how I got cheated on everything in the military Everyone's like yeah, dude join the club when I got the first person The first person I told about it was my older brother He called me like right away saying like me and all my boys like we can't believe you're going through this good Good on you for keeping it up. I'm like, yeah, dude if I didn't everyone at work would call me a pussy Like because half of them have done this shit already Tune a guys that are fucking in the same boat. Do you yeah? No, man How do I want to ask how you um, what was like the first thing you found that made you feel alive again?

8:54 like What's he got out? So when I got out I um, I came back to Chicago and I thought about this in one of my videos, too but you know my parents were expecting me to move back in with them for a little bit get my bearings right and Me thinking I knew what was best. No, I'm gonna move in with this girl that I barely know cuz you know, she's loves me, right? So I get out I move in with her and You know, she's downtown Chicago and I feel like you know, I can do anything. I'm just a badass But I can't find the job. I can't find anything I I'm trying to like figure out what I want to even do with my life in my mind. I'm gonna come home I'm gonna become a cop, you know and By the way, that is what I do now But I'm currently working my way out of that because I've decided that it's just it's um Without being too too detailed about it I just have found something else in my life that gives me purpose and I love being a police officer But at the end of the day, I want to just give a little bit more to the world in a different way But to answer your question, I am I was fortunate enough That before I left California there was a Marine recon buddy who told me hey link up with this guy when you get to Chicago He'll take care of you and I did I gave him a call his name is Dominic Kearns and he took care of me I mean he brought me over to Chicago police Marine Corps League Union and right there and then I met my two newest best friends

10:25 Joe Franzi's and Dan Pansarella both Marines and They took me under their wing and they treated me like I was the new member of their platoon And they were able to kind of guide me through everything that I was kind of going through in this new world that I had never been a part of right So like that's when I finally felt like I kind of found something that made me feel alive and like I finally belong somewhere And of course it's like belonging, but you're I'm still with Marines right I'm still with other servicemembers That was the first time we're actually felt like I found some people that understood me in the real world right? it's got to be pretty similar like Like law enforcement in the military as far as like the camaraderie and all that shit's concerned right? Yeah, so like the the main reason why that's what I wanted to do and why I did that is because I missed the team environment I missed working in an environment that you know the adrenaline is always pumping The environment where you never know what's gonna happen and a lot is expected of you, right?

11:21 So you want to be That person that you know people rely on you want to be that person that people look to Because you want to keep feeling that sense of service whether we hate it or not when we're in and you know We say that you know screw this through that it's to the that's the left and to the right of you at the end of the day Like we do get something out of serving out of being of service to people Even if we don't want to talk about it too much We do get some value out of that and it gives us it gives us kind of like a purpose in life if that makes sense in my opinion Yeah, yeah, no, that's uh That was my biggest struggle was just I mean, I didn't even know I had to find a new purpose Like I didn't even know that's the stage. I was on I just came home and my my parents said come on home move in with us Uh, that was the little rocky road I just I also grew up in uh, South suburbs of Chicago in homewood. I don't know if you know Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, I know the chief of police over there Well, yeah, you might be in the play out, but yeah, yeah, I know we're home. It's a I grew up in in like sister Oh, I don't know where sister is just outside the city the road No, well, there's this road road and then there's there's sister or right. It's the burrowing and stick me. Okay Yeah, okay. You're right outside then. Yeah, like you throw a stone on being Chicago. Okay. Yeah. No, I had about a 35 40 minute drive What's better? Yeah. Yeah. I kind of kind of It's got his gimmick takes me. Yeah, I moved moved back home

12:51 um My thing I just I didn't know how to deal with what I was going through man is I I was 23 Just went through a bunch of stuff and I so I went in as a six years. I did a six year contract because I was aviation And at year four they found out I had scoliosis. So I got med boarded and my plan was to do 20 So already my plan is shattered. Oops. There goes cat already my plan is shattered and then On top of that like three months before that I got divorced. So that got screwed up And then everything at one time just coming down on me or moved back home with my parents I started smoking because I was the new kid out of the out of the army. I never smoked never smoked before then and They weren't too fond of it. They uh, they've always been kind of against it It was my fault for going into their home and thinking they'd be okay with it. Anyways I did it anyways, but then I had to find a new place to live and it was just I ended up homeless for a couple days Just because I had nowhere else to go. I knew I was going to keep smoking And I just I just didn't know what to do. So I had to find a new purpose and That right there is the hardest part is even realizing look you got to find something new to do man Yeah, like you're done. Don't keep hanging on to the past. You're done. That was it. You got your dd2 14 That's it man move on to the next Yeah, I will well say I'm thankful to the army because I kind of lost my purpose like a year before I got out Like when we stopped deploying and really doing much I thought It's like what are we doing this for it's like we're we're flying to fly

14:24 For a war that we're not fighting and then we got to keep the helicopters up and it's like okay for what? Like this is this is lame and I'm like that's what I decided to get out because people deserve better than that from their leadership And I I mean I wasn't I knew if I didn't have a purpose there. I couldn't be in anymore And so like I got out and then it's I wasn't like seeking my purpose. I was kind of just like a It'll it'll find me almost. Yeah Like you know what I'm saying Trevor like like the shit we're doing now Yeah, I well you were more you had more of a religious background. I did it So like you had that faith. I was just like lost You know I'm saying like you knew deep down something's gonna happen. We'll be fine I got home and I figured nothing was gonna happen. I won't be fine I didn't have like I didn't believe something was above me looking over me, you know Making sure I'm okay. And if you're okay with me asking me, uh jp Do you do you believe in a higher power? Did you start believing in one or growing up like what kind of?

15:32 religious background I was raised in the Catholic household, you know his his bad at you know, um I went to church every sunday during boot camp. I tell you that hey hell. Yeah, hell. Yeah You know every service. Yeah, I was I was Buddhist at that point. Um, yeah But when I when I got out Let me let me back up a little bit. So yeah in 2010 I was deployed to afghanistan Um I lost I lost it for a little bit there A lot of things didn't make sense to me a lot of people, you know close to us died a lot of friends um, you know blown up by ied's and um I didn't see where it was going. I I didn't feel like we made a dent in any game because the population there They wouldn't really interact with us unless they had to and even then it just felt like it was very much forced and not I mean look what we're at now, right? So like it just felt like what are we doing here? Like maybe on a specific day We get into a firefight. We do this we do that. Yeah, sure but in the grand scheme of things it just didn't feel much of like I didn't feel like god was in that kind in in the world to be honest at that point So it took me a while to kind of work my way back to kind of feeling some sort of faith I think it's mostly come back in the last probably three four years because To to kind of caveat to what happened when I got out like I got out and I didn't take the time to Get to know who the hell I was I was I was a marine veteran

17:05 and I you know got out Got married became this cop and never once did I take a moment to like find out who I am Besides that right? So I was resting on the laurels of my past And I was living in the moment of the adrenaline that I was feeling and then when all that kind of came crashing down around me divorce Lost of purpose at work That's kind of when when god really kind of played a part as far as like me trying to find out who I am and when I found out who I was Now I found out that there is more to life than than just what we're doing here, right? It kind of I can't really blame you though for getting kind of nihilistic being over in Afghanistan. It's I know what you mean It's like you could Ask anyone that's been over there for more than a half hour. You can't you could not fix what was going on there We could have been there for a hundred years and nothing would have got done It's just to me. It's interesting that that caused me to develop faith, but it made you lose it almost Yeah It's like a wonder that's because like I had none going in It could be it could have been like, you know the reverse effect as far as like you none and then coming out with something and then Me the other way around that that could have been it And yeah, how'd you feel than watching when we left?

18:17 Man, um So when we left It was very rough for me for a few reasons A lot of major life stuff happened for me at the same time here like in the real world now, right? And like, uh, I lost a lot of sense of purpose in my career field Um, what I was doing that I got a lot of purpose over in the department It went away got taken away from me And I lost what was my purpose in life, right? So then I got real kind of depressed about that and then Afghanistan's up and then the drawdown and then the way we left it and like any faith I had in our country and like And us actually doing something for these people out there It all went away. It was destroyed and what pisses me off the most is not like It pisses me off that we lost people over there and my friends and all that but it also pisses me off that we We lied to the population And we told them that we would be there for them and we had interpreters and we had some villagers Who helped us we had kids that would be friendly to us and they would be killed by the Taliban And we just left them all there to freaking get slaughtered. We didn't care. We didn't we didn't have a plane for them All the people that did support us when we were there. We just fucking abandoned them So it was very hard for me. I I started doing therapy again because of that. That was kind of the factor That got me into therapy again, which is good because I needed it anyway, but that was the one that went like Yeah, because like the Taliban they got like a list of people that work with the u.s.

19:49 Yeah, yeah from what I know, right like oh, yeah, I mean they they know man like They were never gone. They were in the population. They were mixed in they were just waiting in their time Biding their time. I mean They knew man, you know, they knew and it was like for us Kevin at our location in Afghanistan when I arrived They were like, yeah Right across the country They were like, yeah, right across that flight line. There's about That's the Afghan National Guard. There's about 30 people in there. What ties to the Taliban Yeah, wow, so they're just a mile across the road from us And they're that well connected and so once we pulled out I could only imagine what happened Like I wasn't there, but I could only imagine I remember seeing that. Yeah, them they're like, oh, yeah, the ana is over there Yeah, and I already kind of knew that a lot of them were in the Taliban and I'm like, bro, I could like I can see their little how like airport over there, dude, I hopped in the helicopter and they had um that little helicopter Video thing on the bottom of it. So the Chinook had it was like the x-ray I hopped in there and I had to do something for our hydra hydrax guy And I took the little camera and I looked in each one of those buildings There's a yeah, there's like guard posts across the street. I looked in each one not a single person in there So I don't even know if they were even there. I could have just off but Yeah, that was one of my biggest things is when I came home to my parents

21:20 And I wanted I wanted to sit them down because before I joined What happens is I ended up failing out of college I failed one class twice and that was it and it just felt like the world was crumbling So we went into a room my parents we sat down and this was the first real life talk We're about to have about my future So it sat down talked about it Like I really blew my mind because both of them were in tears and I was just standing there like a little idiot at 18 Not knowing what I'm gonna do But both my parents are in tears right now because I'm failing college Yeah, so finally I went to the military and on my way back. I was like, all right I'm gonna do the same thing I'm gonna get home and I'm gonna tell them what my life was like and then what I'm looking to do in the future So when I got home, I told them like my my opinion on our wars and they they grew up right-winged Right-wingers in Chicago. So I was already interesting enough. Yeah, and then I came home and I'm like look What we're doing over there and I was in tears as I couldn't I could not believe If you really think about what we're doing over there, it is cruel to other human beings I and I was a part of it It like it didn't click because I'm like look we're doing this over there We're doing this over there. We're doing this over there and these are just other humans We just simply don't agree on one subject or whatever it is We don't agree on something and we're called it's enough to cause a war where we are all fighting with our sons and daughters To kill each other and I I mean this was going on

22:50 I had no idea what I was doing it for until I got home after my first deployment. I'm like, okay What am I doing over there? You know, I wasn't even going over there with that right purpose So it was just kind of hard to come home and tell them look this is this is wrong what we're doing really And then it got worse. I mean it even got worse once we pulled out of afghanistan even went even more wrong But it was hard for me to explain that to somebody not in the military Now, it was just hard for me to come home. Look, this is what is happening. I was out there doing it Being a part of it. Listen to me and it's just it's almost still too hard to comprehend Makes me think like is it a net negative for society to where most people are ignorant Of how bad it is I think so I think so and a prime example of like Why it was doomed from day one is that That so the a and a It's not like our national guard like they don't serve where they live, right? So like they're they're getting deployed, you know from I don't know. Illinois to texas, right? They have no ties to to where they're serving They are just there they don't care. They're not going to die for their country They are going to maybe die for their their province, but they're not in their province. They're they're somewhere else And you're fighting you're fighting a local insurgency different than iraq Because the insurgents were brought there. They were fighting a different type of war. They were fighting a real jihad but in Afghanistan this is this is their livelihood. This is what they've been doing for years. This is their community

24:23 This is where they live. This is where they prosper All they have to do is fight and then hide fight and they hide and the thing is that they do it so well that they actually Are fighting for something because to them it's real The a&a doesn't give a damn about where they're fighting at because they have no ties to that area They just want to get a paycheck and go home and the fact that we thought that we were going to leave that to them Just in my mind. I just I could not believe that that was the plan Like I just like they have no national sense of pride the way we do no No, it's very much like province-based and like even then like You know like from what I hear now. It's much more divided Um, just to just saying put a little bit of humor on this. I recently read an article on vice that the Taliban are now Uh showing signs of PTSD and that they missed the war and that they they don't like working office jobs I I thought of when you're in the Taliban, you're like, yeah in the S the paperwork department or something Yeah, yeah, I don't like sitting at my desk. I missed the war. I missed the jihad. I gotta take out of that Shit, dude, I remember I remember walking back from chow, right?

25:40 And I'm like thinking how could like I'm thinking way back How could people walk across this land and think you know, this seems like a good place to you know hang out for a little bit And then I'm like, well shit. That's why they've been at war For fucking ever like that's all there is. That's all there is to do Yeah, ain't shit else out there to do what's that fight. It's like a five mile stretch You can see the horizon like in the middle of wherever we were it was all around us You could see like five miles out like ain't nothing there. There's nothing to do nothing to go see Nowhere to hang out They have the the religion aspect too like I know in like Islam There's like the Sunni and the Shiite like they got different aspects of it But it's like those people probably agree on 99.9 percent of things It's just that 100th of a percent that they're all just well, let's just kill each other over this Yeah, it's very tribal. Um, and Afghanistan like Very tribal. There's there's elders. There's leaders Um before I I went I actually I they sent me to a posh to a course. So I actually spoke I wouldn't say conversationally, but I I did get a chance to like talk to some of the locals a little bit And that was interesting. Um, you know, I I I love that I got the chance to do that But I mean from tribe to tribe, they don't they don't visit each other. They don't really talk to each other It's all about like right there who lives right next to you You're small little like basically like a gated community like that's it Because they're super isolated, right? Like they're not like here where you can drive from a town to another town

27:13 It's like you're on the side of the mountain for markets Like, you know for for the trade they do have some trade and some markets and stuff like that But mostly no like you'll see that they're in a state that's looted right there to their load like, you know Village Yeah, it's it's like I just was torn about the whole thing. It's like yeah on one hand I think this was absolutely like an unwinnable war. I think Personally, I think we could have been there for a hundred years and it wouldn't matter. We shouldn't have been there in the first place, but just me Like But I like I was glad we were leaving. It's just the way we went about it It was like you couldn't have designed a more like a worse exit if you wanted to Yeah Like that's what hurts so many is like Yeah, we flew in there more careful Yeah Like what the hell man. Yeah, man It's a crazy time too to be in the military just because it's so easy to access information from people Yeah, like I if i'm a recruit, right?

28:13 I can go on reddit and see what people are actually complaining about Yeah, like you're you're 100 right. I'm experiencing that right now. Um, I let me cut you off. Sorry So so like with some of the videos that I posted that um, I've received a lot of uh new followers that are like active duty Like their first year in I could not even imagine talking to a vet. I didn't know what the hell the veteran was Yeah, my first year like I could not I didn't I didn't know any veterans I didn't I didn't have the idea of what a veteran was and like now you could be in Talking to a veteran that's been out freaking 15 years now almost and like ask questions about what is my future gonna look like You can prepare yourself or have an idea of what you're gonna do But like yeah, everything's out there for you to find you can contact anyone like I We barely had hulu when I was in like I mean Yeah But now though like because with Afghanistan too, it wasn't like the government could just say oh, yeah went great like People could see people falling from airplanes. Yeah, they weren't cahoots about it. Like they had a backdoor deal like it was just It was just it was disgraceful what we did. I mean There's no excuse for that Yeah, that's like the biggest thing too is it's just getting pushed under the rug like there was an excuse for it or something Like it's just no one's talked about it since and it's just nobody How could that be like we were we were there for how long how could this just be swept under the rug after a week

29:44 You know, we still have troops in Iraq Yeah, yeah I just found that out recently We're like a third of Syria. I heard too. Yeah, I didn't I didn't even well. Yeah, our buddy's over in iraq have they're right next to Syria I think yeah, yeah, that's what the base is up there for and they're taking casualties Yeah, no one's not no thoughts about this nobody talks about Yeah, it's like the hidden war kind of that we're still fighting It's like just because we removed a large ground element from the ao does not mean that there aren't people there still Yeah Yeah, it's crazy. How yeah actually thinking about it. We have people taking like americans taking casualties over in iraq But the news is all you cray Yeah, man, they they it's it's no longer It's not gonna get the money that nobody cares about anymore. So why would they talk about it?

30:36 It's not gonna, you know, create a stir for them. So therefore like they're gonna just move on They're gonna move on to the next hot topic, you know, they're gonna talk about something else and It's just not popular anymore, you know, that unfortunately Or fortunately we're so far removed from 9-11, you know, knock on wood nothing like that ever happens again, but like Without something like that. I don't think the country would have gone to war I don't think we would have backed up to what happened. I don't think we would have been willing to just, you know, send our sons and daughters out there You know and and hopefully nothing like that ever happens again But like we're so far removed from that that just no one has any sense of like, you know, country anymore We're all divided and live in our own little lives I would say that If we had tiktok and twitter Since say 1776 We wouldn't have gotten into a war after probably World War II So is it Korea, Vietnam, Iraq the first time the second time in Afghanistan like yeah, you think You think people would have bought though the wmd thing if we had twitter right now I don't think so man I don't think so because everybody has a phone right everybody everybody Posts videos and and you know, someone would have Been like there's nothing here. See, you know Yeah, it's like we're having recruiting issues right now It's because people can go on reddit and talk to soldiers and marines and find out what the reality is Yeah, but have you seen some of these recruiters man?

32:04 No, what do you mean? Oh, trash! Yeah, I haven't talked to any I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but like my my freaking my my recruit my staff sergeant freaking looked like John Cena, man Yeah, I had a sniper I wonder if you know man like the uniforms just like Uh, it's still my Marine Corps or whatever, but like it just ain't the same anymore. You can tell Yeah, no, I mean I hear that's like the toughest spot you can be in the military is being a recruiter I was I was close to uh, I was close to being a marine Yeah, they gave me a long hard talk for like 45 minutes and they really made me think and I was like Did they put the uh the honor curts commitment like the little pins on front of you in the table that you got like Choose which one means the most yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just this yeah, that's how they got Yeah, but I never got a sword That's how they get you man, that's how I like how I like what y'all stand for like I could tell the marines Had a closer brotherhood than the army But I didn't yeah I didn't have the opportunity to go work on helicopters like the army called me and said hey You could work on helicopters right now if you sign Nice, so I did but But yeah, I was I was close to a marine and then Chicago was at my high school It was almost only the marine guy. I never saw an army guy there Well, you know why a man just like Like you hit you hit the nail on the head like we do have a tight name brotherhood just like There's less of us, but you seem to see more of us because when we leave like

33:37 We celebrate the birthday every year we get to the other every year. It's the only time of the year I get drunk and um honestly like it's it's It's almost a good thing, but it's also a bad thing because as a soldier when you get out You're not tied to the military as much but like dude as a marine like and it could be wrong here but like for as a marine bro like It's hard to separate yourself from that because like you miss it so much. It was so much of who you were that I mean it happened to me instead of me Making friends with civilians who who probably would have been just fine to be friends with I still gravitated towards marines And I kept like my little safety net because that's all I knew just boot camp freaking brain washes you and like the marine Is is the only thing that you'd like know how to talk to because they're the only people that get you just we speak different We are different. Yeah, most of us are assholes. We're all very cocky But yeah, man, it's just it's a different type of like club. I guess I yeah, I will say I think in the army we have more of a unit loyalty Then I'd say the Marine Corps when they have like a whole branch loyalty Yeah, they move around a lot too like they don't really keep you in units for much of a lot if you get promoted They typically try and move you around How many units were you in then?

34:52 So I was in two different units and even even within that unit I moved around a lot because they don't They don't have every MOS in every unit. So like when I was initially with 3 1 Lima company I was a rifleman, but when I went out and I tried out for stapleton, which is the snipers They moved me to weapons companies. So technically still 3 1 But typically like if you reenlist They're gonna move you somewhere else like almost guaranteed. They'll move you somewhere else Even when they promote you they'll move you to a different platoon Because they don't want you like mingling with your bodies. They want you to separate yourself So they do that where they like Want you to still be an asshole to the the Marines because you know, they're not your buddies type shit Yeah, well, yeah, because we had the exact opposite In the 160th it was like I was in the same shop From my time when I got there as a e2 to when I left as a staff sergeant like The entire seven years I was in this one place And like sometimes I would hear people talk about pcs or you know transferring when they got promoted And I'm like, I guess that would be nice, right? But on the other hand, I think you could build a lot more loyalty If it's done correctly, right Trevor Yeah, I was I was a big fan of staying. I was lucky enough to only do four years. But the whole yeah the whole time I was there Whole time I was there It was cool because yeah, it was like a unit loyalty thing like everybody here knows we're all here all staying here Now that I think about it I think the Marine Corps does it on purpose like that

36:25 Because when you get a brand new staff sergeant who doesn't know you doesn't like you It's gonna be a lot easier for him To yell at you and counsel you and tell you what to do Then if you knew him when he was a sergeant, so like I think it's a reason they do that because like I remember so many staff sergeants that we got or gunnies from like different platoons Different from the east coast that we had no idea who they were And just like that they turned it on and they were they were that gunny, you know Hey, come here corporal come here last corporal if you're not A person to them. You're just just a ranger. They don't know you I think the Marine Corps does it that way for a reason, you know Yeah, yeah for us First first name basis for Everyone I talked to Yeah, we didn't yell at anyone really Oh man, some people did but like I can recall twice that I yelled at someone Not even I wouldn't even say yell like raise my voice not like I'm yelling like I'm actually pissed off, but like I'm a little bit pissed off so I'm louder, but that was like a Two two occasion type thing that yelled it a lot But like no, I remember when I got promoted to e5 and I was an SEO and it was Like the the dude who was in charge of our shop when I got there he got got promoted at the same time I did more or less. So he was still kind of my boss But he would tell me all the time like I got to be meaner to people and like I'd smoke people more and yell at people and it's like that's just not my style. That doesn't work with people It's not your style and it's not the new kid style Oh, no, I heard it different now Oh, what do you mean? What do you mean? I've heard that

37:57 I don't have any stories to back this up I've just heard from like a few of the people that like are on like messaging me on tits out that they're still in right now That there's no unit loyalty that everyone is just out for themselves. There's no not even like Loyalty between like your leadership like there's no war or you know that we think they're yeah So like you're not training to go to war where you know, this guy's Life is in your hands and your hands and your life is in his hands So like from what I've heard like leadership is terrible. NCOs are not the same way They used to be where they look out for the junior enlisted From what I heard it's very much like everyone's kind of out on their own right now And I hope I'm wrong, but I've heard that from a few people that they don't have like leadership that looks out for them I mean, I'd say you're probably correct At least partially just because society I think as a whole has gotten more like that. Yeah. Yeah Like like individualists. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's my biggest thing. So actually this is what I wanted to talk about finally I got it onto my head I'm talking to other people like I brought this up on a couple other ones just even talking to another person is hard Because I don't know if I'm doing something wrong like just like I feel like I'm going to say something wrong. I feel like Being a veteran in general, it's a coin flip on whether they support you or not I don't bring up anything military and I almost just kind of stay quiet and try to say things that society will think is okay

39:30 So it's like hard to be it's hard to be me and luckily for me. I got throughout my med board process. I had that it was like Six to eight months where they didn't know if I was getting kicked out. I might have been kicked out Or med boarded like they just didn't know so for that six months and then about a six months to a year after I was lucky enough move home get paid off the VA and go to school To kind of understand who I was and who I'd like to become So I did have that that little grace period, but it's still I mean It still wasn't easy Yeah, like I didn't I don't say like I didn't want people to Know that I was a veteran, but like that wasn't who I was Like that wasn't the central part of my personality like I was more that was just something that I did right Yeah Let's go Like I didn't base my my life moving forward often. I talked about that when you get out the army like I was like Developing your personality aside from the army But like we were in special operations. That was we were not supposed to be army E out Yeah, yeah You know what I'm saying? I still look like the village people going to get dinner Yeah, because you gotta you gotta build a little more trust with like between the special forces community and like You don't really have that when you're kind of an asshole to everybody So you you kind of like become a little more humble and a little bit of more of a human being right? I mean Oh, dude. Yeah, you don't even know like you even people like us like we weren't up on the totem pole So to speak but we still had to interact with ground force guy or even like not even in a business capacity

41:04 Just like you're in the same camp. You're gonna be in the same gym at the same chow hall Like you have to be friendly and you can't be like oh almost almost staff sergeant Blah blah blah it's like you don't even know what right the other guy is most of the time Yeah And on top of that you the chances of this guy being able to beat your ass is a lot higher than you Oh 100% bro I was in I was in the gym and I saw a dog working out with this dude Wait the dude actually he had a blackhawks hat on so I should have said something to him But I was still too much of a bitch. I'm like dude this dude's training a fucking dog in the gym right now I ain't gonna say damn word to homie How crazy is that? No, but like I didn't I didn't want to be like the vet that like got out and had like the 511 gene On like the marrow boots like But the whole it's like a the veteran starter pack. You see that was me for the first year like Here's a starter pack can't be you can't be mad dude cannot be mad. That's all we know. That's all we know That's why it's a starter pack What but you you outgrew that though I did and you're right that's that's not what we should be Um, but yeah, man that that was me. I um, I went to I went to I signed up for college And uh, that's what I wore I tried not to but you know eventually I did outgrow it, but I had the fucking camel backpack like an asshole And then I think one of the things that really like did it for me of like I need to quit this shit

42:37 um I was in one of my college classes And I was um middle row. I think I was like listen to the professor trying to learn, you know freaking notebook in hand taking notes a little green one In the military they issue these out like candy. So yeah, everyone's got these little green notebooks And like you don't even need to be taking notes, but if you don't bring one Yeah, you better have one. Yeah, I had one. I never wrote anything down Like I have the time I would use someone else's land Nice You gotta have that though when you go to anything man. I gotta read some of this one day um So I'm I'm in class and this girl falls asleep in the front row Oh Sleeping like snoring and I'm looking around like it's no one like there's someone sitting next to her. I'm like no one's in And no one says anything They just blow right past it and this is 2013. So this is 10 years ago. So like it was normal then Right now. It's probably even worse people probably like rack out in the back of this classroom by now, but In the middle of brick. Yeah in the middle of the break. Uh, I get up and I go up to her Yeah, and I woke her up. You might just show some damn respect female. Don't like that I'm like listen if you're here fall asleep stand up because that's what was done to me. That's what I was talking for freaking six years I'm like that's leadership looking out for others making sure people aren't sleeping making sure the person talking is being respected

44:09 And that was in my brain man like dude in my brain And the professor pulls me aside. So hey, were you in the military? Yes, sir. I was I thought he was gonna say thank you to me He's like no like these like you got you got to stop like what you just did right now Like that's that's not okay in society. Like you can't Tell people what to do Like they're not gonna take it the right way if she's tired. She's tired. She's sleeping. She's sleeping. Is it disrespectful? Yes, it is but like You're not in anymore and I think that was the moment that I kind of woke up and I realized like I'm not in anymore. I'm not surrounded by people that are like me I'm surrounded by people that are not that like me and I'm the outsider. I'm the new one. I'm the freaking boot I'm the one that has to adapt. You know what I mean?

44:51 Yeah, it's like you didn't realize like I'm not gonna get in trouble if this chick is sleeping Right, I that's what that might have been it like right there in the back of my head. I mean Like you probably in your heart of hearts, we're not more concerned with the professor being Disrespected so much as you were like Like you're gonna ask chewing like a staff. So why is this why is this lady sleeping? Yeah? Yeah, like we're all about to get smoked right now because This Bro, I was very vocal about that like with with a pt especially like if I didn't get in trouble for you either not being there or Being bad at pt or being too fat bro. I don't like I didn't give a shit But like I'm not gonna get Invested if I'm not gonna get in trouble if something Yeah, like like one dude that we're great friends with when he got out the army it was like It was like three months where he was showing up at like 11 to noon or one and then leaving after like an hour and like he was getting out and like shortly after that and like I I saw it happen a few times and I'm like oh, that's weird whatever like I'm out of my business And then like after a week. I'm like, okay. No one gives a shit about this like why am I gonna make a big steak like If I was gonna get in trouble I already would have And it was so easy Why would I care?

46:16 Yeah, but but like you hadn't developed that yet. It sounds no No, man. I did not I did not just like Sorry about the baby in the background So like what happened with me is um So like when when most Marines when they're getting out like they're called, you know terminals Like they're getting out. They they barely show up to formation Their sleeves are rolled down to here. You know, there's no more kind of like, you know, a spirited core. We call it right but like with me I was um, I was the chief scout for my scout sniper platoon. So like my lieutenant leaned on me heavily Which then I loved I didn't mind it. I I still had a purpose, right? So I had to like develop training. I had to get guys ready for sniper school I didn't have that chance of like chilling out and not showing up and stuff now Now I wish I would have but like back then it gave me purpose up until like the day I left And then it was all I stripped away from me. So like that didn't really do me any good, right?

47:11 But like I wish I would have had that time to like, you know, kind of ease back into like the chill mode They squeeze you out The fucked up part two is no one told you like when you leave here, they're gonna forget about you so fast I was so offended man. Um, a guy got out, uh Like two weeks before I did and they gave him a pink belly, you know, that's what we do And I didn't get one and I was so angry Oh, no, they forgot about me. They moved on. I saw I saw pictures of the platoon Doing cool sniper shit and like, you know, I'm not there anymore. Like they've moved on I gotta move on too No, yeah, you got to be a special type of guy to where like they remember you after you leave. Yeah. Yeah No, like special as in like died for a reason or something like that type of special Yeah, you had to make like an impact or like be known for something. Yeah other than that Yeah, no one's no remembers you no one's gonna call you. I mean you got your your homeboys, but yeah, you know, it's crazy is um I my first my first platoon for the first uh, three years It was uh infantry platoon and I went to combat with them My my second kind of time in there the last three years. I was with the star of cyber platoon We didn't go to combat together. We went on a mu we didn't we didn't experience combat We deployed to like different places for training and stuff But they were the last ones that I knew right so you would think they'd be the ones that I kept in touch with

48:42 But no man, I don't I don't talk to any of them. I talked to the guys that I went to combat with the guys are like Really got damaged man. Just like from that platoon that that group of people like three of my Three of that people three of the guys enough to that Have taken their lives Uh, oh Um, you know nothing man like no no we don't keep in touch Everyone seems to be doing their own thing But like I have a group chat on on snapchat with the guys that I went to afghanistan with who I've been even Are there removed from and the guys that I was with last So I think that really like solidifies a bond with you know, who you serve with and depends what you do with them Yeah, I I I really only talk to Two Two or three people that were in the same job as me and then Everyone else that I talked to that's still in I spent time overseas with them or on a trip with them or whatever it is It's yeah, I mean I talked to the rest of the hangar more than I talked to my old job really. Yeah Yeah, I still try to talk to people I've been trying to do that more recently like hit up people I hadn't talked to And a while and especially like the veterans that also got out around the similar time as me like even the ones that Were not the best soldiers Yeah, like I still want to like hear them do good in life and breathing and breathing like I'm sorry

50:12 That's that's like the biggest thing for me is I don't know when I'm gonna get a call the next day Good from so that happens to you guys Like you get a phone call from one of them and you like you just you know, you're gonna pick up But you're you're like breath stops for me you stop breathing for a second because you see the name and you're like I don't know it's happened to me three times We're like I see a phone call and it's one of my buddies that I haven't talked to in two years Who I would deploy to have James Dan with and like I'm scared to answer the phone Because it's happened already. We're like They so and so, you know took his life so like now Now the aptitude that I I I was with we've made a better effort of actually talking to each other more We have a group chat on snapchat that we keep in touch with But dude for a while man I like I was scared to talk to them because I I didn't want to look at my phone and see one of their phone numbers And then me thinking like another one of the guys, you know took their life Yeah, no, I mean We've not had to deal with that. Thank god but We uh At least personally like I think it's it's one of those issues where we can affect a lot of change just at our level Like we can call people Like that like one thing I hate is this 22 push-ups a day thing That drives me up a wall like the people that do it have good intentions, but you're not saving anyone's life doing push-ups Yeah, no Yeah, luckily I've never been in that situation, but I've been on the flip side where I've had to give the call I'm like look man I got this to Like I'm not in the right spot

51:43 Uh, I don't know what to do. I don't know where my feet go Like I literally don't even know what to do with my life right now And no, I mean my little brother was the one that answered luckily someone answered But even that was enough for me to to realize like look there's no way. I'm the only one alone with this and I don't want to put That burden the the burden of seeing my name on someone's phone and thinking oh no there goes trevor Like I don't want that burden to be placed on anybody because of my name. So that's that's honestly That's what flipped my mind about is like I need to stand for something and if there's anything I'm gonna stand for I don't know a greater cause than this because I mean like you said, we're just getting thrown out into the life again Hopefully we know how to deal with the real world after they've trained us on how to deal with it Like it's just you you don't know what to do You don't know where to go from 18 to whenever you got out like I was 19 when I joined 19 to 23 I was always told what to do where to be what uniform to be in Yeah, I was told what to do and you finally get and and you're always like itching like finally I get to get out And do whatever I want You get out. You're like, you don't know what you want to do. Yeah, you're like fuck. What do I want?

52:59 And the paycheck stop, you know Yeah, I will say the ours. I think our generation too of like younger vets has a lot of um Like we have a lot of educating we can help people with Just as newer veterans realize I'm like before I joined I thought of the veteran, right? I'm thinking like a vietnam guy at the vfw Like he's like No messed up, you know, but like that wore fuck people up But I think now we can kind of show people like This is what veterans are and they're not like all psycho assholes Yeah, we're not all gonna be homeless. We can hold down jobs and like Especially with ptsd. That's a big one. I'm passionate about like because there's so many misconceptions about it Oh, man, it's like we can really help educate people and say, you know, this isn't something that is It's affecting most of us, but it's not we're not having flashbacks in the Walmart Or waking up in the middle of ice screaming. It could just be forgetting things. Yeah, it really it really can be and like something else I want to talk about is um There's veterans that don't even realize they have ptsd because maybe they feel like they don't deserve it or rate it because maybe Maybe they went to combat or maybe they didn't But like you gotta understand like it is traumatic to like grow through what you grow through in the military no matter what like I mean the Marine Corps like When you get promoted you get the shit beat out of you like where else in the world does that happen?

54:25 Like that's not important. Well, yeah, yeah, you guys are normal. We're the best But the ones but like you go through so many things man And like you don't realize that it's traumatic You don't realize that it changed you and then you get out and to touch a little bit about the whole like coming back Into society and that we were never part of it like Normal 18 to 23 year olds you name it like they go through stuff But they have ways of dealing with it. There's resources their parents are still there They have other students that are going through it who can talk to them because it's not stigmatized of getting help But for us You can't talk about your problems. You can't go and bitch about this. You can't complain about that You better figure out on your own and if you fuck up if you buy that freaking Cadillac with 23% interest off face You're not gonna get talked to like nicely like listen man. You messed up like let's figure this out No, you're gonna get freaking counseled and spoke into like a child. So like now it's in your head Like I can't talk people when I fucked up. So like now Instead of having this coping mechanism of like being willing to ask for help when you get out of the military You feel like you guys fit around your own and that's not the way it is in the real world in the real world Like there's counselors in colleges that you can like literally go to and ask them How do I do this? I want to switch my classes. I don't know how to do this and they will help you with everything But like this veteran's man like we don't we don't look for those resources. We don't know they're there And we don't want to find them because we feel like we have to figure out our own So like you come into the society that has been functioning Perfectly without you and you just don't have the tools or the resources or even the mindset

55:57 To try and change the way you think to even like not to survive in society but to thrive in society And unfortunately some veterans never get past that and that's that's my biggest thing like For a while I rested on the laurels of my past And it took a lot of mindset work and a lot of bad things happening in my life freaking divorce loss of family friends committing suicide you know binge drinking Gained 50 pounds to overweight just hating my life and like realizing like this is all happened because of the military and I know it's like very dangerous to make that connection but I didn't get help for a lot of things PTSD because of the military because it was stigmatized because I didn't want to get help Because you know what I got to be a tough son of a bitch I married the first girl out of you know the military because finally somebody loved me right I drank my ass off because in the military when you drink you got that buddy next to you that supports you And he's carrying you out on the base. Yeah But like now all these vices that were like maybe a problem when you were in now you have no choice Now you have no control over there's no one there that's going to get you to morning formation There's no staff sergeant just gonna look out for you when you you know get a DUI or whatever night now you're on your own So like all these problems in my opinion they happen because when we get out we don't assimilate into society And I know assimilation is like not the right word But we don't find a way to kind of integrate into society the right way So we develop all these problems and then one day when you're freaking 26 years old

57:31 It just blows up in your face and then you're like what I need therapy. I need help I need to deal with this and some veterans don't deal with this some veterans decide like I'm out Some veterans decide that they just they can't do it and that's the sad part really because at the end of the day like There's programs out there those resources But on top of all of it there's people like you guys like veterans that are willing to talk about these things veterans that are willing to like You know, I think that's what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to get out of this situation and get out of it Actually have these conversations and I'm starting getting a little passionate, but like it bothers me just like I don't necessarily only think about my buddies That took their lives I think about their kids man Because I have I have a son now, you know, and I could not imagine him Growing up without a father because I made a decision because of something in my past, right?

58:24 I did as a veteran instead of getting the help because it's been stigmatized for so freaking long I don't know man. I just I things got to change man, and that's what I'm trying to do That's what you guys are trying to do and I really appreciate you guys doing this and then I'm sorry I went on my rant a little bit. No, man. I I completely understood like everything you said there I even had a problem with it today I broke down in tears today Because I ran into a situation where I didn't know the answer And I didn't know where to find the answer. I don't know who to call for the answer I didn't know what resources start with and I literally like I I'm tearing up now thinking about like I just I don't know and if I don't know the answer. I don't know where to go I don't know who to find it from like I just don't know and Yeah, that's that's what got me to the point where I wanted wanted to offer myself because I didn't know I didn't know who to go to to find out and finally Kevin brought in religion into my life. So finally when I don't know something something I'm just like, you know what it it's fine. I know I'm still here. I know everything's gonna be okay I know for the past 25 years of my life. I've been a good person in general I know nothing bad could happen that big to where I have to freak out just because I don't know Right, it's because I've I've been told like you have to know this show up here. You know this show up here You know this show up here. You know this don't know what happens, right when you don't know You know you face. I mean you face your pay you lose your pay if you don't know sometimes Yeah, man, like you gotta know everything you gotta be They teach you like you have to be resourceful. You have to know everything like dude

59:57 Like it's just it's not realistic and they they they breed what they need Yeah for the military, right? But then the moment that like you're done They wash their hands of you. There's no there's no real transition like period like dude like literally overnight like I'm I was gone like You know, let's just a little overnight. I was off base You know, my buddies kept doing their shit. They were out in the field doing their thing. But like, dude What am I doing now? You know Yeah, you just got no idea. It just is It's tough and like you said, it's just a community. We we don't know where to go afterwards We have no where to go. We don't know who to talk to And for me, my biggest thing is because in the military I struggle drinking so much if I show up to a vfw I'm leaving with a dui. Yeah, that's that's the whole another like I I don't have issues with the vfw because I know they're trying and I know that that's kind of what they're built around But like that that you're you're right like unfortunately like alcohol is a huge trigger for a lot of veterans and like I mean that is as a way of like They don't have a limit and that's what they use to kind of like, you know, drown out their pains and I mean, there's other stuff out there too right nothing just a vfw like I know that they're trying but that is what it's built around, you know, yeah Yeah, no, it's end to most of us drink to Get drunk. It's not like right. I get a little Yeah, yeah, I try to be too social about I will I will say though It it really highlights the importance of being the person that others would want to reach out to I'd say

1:01:29 Yeah, I might not want or need to reach out in that minute, but But if someone had to and they didn't want to call me because like I'm a dick or whatever like I would feel like such a failure for Yeah, like I think we we could do a little bit better of a job of Like being nice to people And not judgmental and being the person that someone would want to call Yes, and open up to like that. Yes That's that resonate for me a lot man Because I was I was an asshole for years Like I'm not gonna lie like in the Marine Corps like that was my role in the platoon I was the fucking people of the platoon like It's where I fit in because that's I grew up in Chicago and like You know, it's just like it's where I fit in and dude. I got my purpose out of that. I felt I felt accomplished And little by little man, I started I started shedding some of that shit away and I kept some of it because it did help me with the police department and what I did there Um, but dude, I I I don't want to I don't want to be salty anymore. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to like You know develop freaking heart problems because I'm always stressed out about stuff like I want to give love into the world and and like actually bring positive into this world is like It's already hard as it is man. And like if we don't become that like beating the light for like a veteran to like reach out like So I saw that video that you saw one of the videos that you saw One of my buddies who I hadn't talked to you In like 10 years actually like typed a message in there and I like reached out to him. I didn't recognize him

1:03:01 He's like, hey, you know Perez, how you doing? And as soon as he called me Perez. I'm like Yeah And I'm like north up. He's like, yeah, man, um, and we've been talking man and like Um, not to put his business out there, but like, you know, he needed someone to talk to you and there's nothing wrong with that Um But you know, he was willing to talk about it because you know, I I made myself a little bit vulnerable and put myself out there and Like by you guys doing this and by talking about it. It helps a lot man Because it it destigmatizes a lot of things that people Like don't want to talk about or they feel like they can't or they don't even know where to talk to You know, so like it's it's definitely helping. Yeah, the bit. I appreciate that first off Sure, for sure But yeah, the biggest thing is just bottling it up Like it Uh, I I still have problems just day to day. I bottle it up. I don't don't know why I still do it and Girlfriend today said look man, you gotta stop doing this to me because it's just like every three weeks I get blown up with all this information because you just you can't talk talk about it on a day to day basis So I'm still getting better. This podcast doesn't make me perfect But it's still like gradually being able to talk about just How I messed up because I went a different path than most go so and Being able to explain that to someone who hasn't gone down that path It's got to be one of the hardest things in the world

1:04:32 Being able to say look this is why I am and then I have like self doubt like Is that really why that's who I am? Like is this really the issue or am I just making up an excuse? Because in the middle of the day Just making up an excuse because in the military you make up an excuse to get out of work or whatever it is You better be ready to do more push-ups. So so you ignore it and you suppress it. Yeah, because you don't want to identify it Yeah, but yeah, man, there's there's life after the service. You you are not who you were So that resonates with me man. Like when I when I started I started doing therapy when I like in 2015 for a couple years Um ended up stopping and then like like I mentioned I started back in therapy because I know what it does and like Whether you're against her for it then the day it gives you a medium to like talk. Yep. And if you can put it in words You can make sense of it. You are in You are on the right direction of like trying to like deal with it Yeah, I agree. That's like the the biggest thing for me in in therapy and that's why we do this too Is because I mean there's been a number of people saying look, this is like a therapy thing And that's exactly me too. I mean, that's why I love doing it, man. I'm able to get it off my chest too Yeah, man, and There's even today tough day doing a lot of stupid stuff This still isn't something I'd like to cancel. I'll cancel everything else before I would cancel one of our podcast episodes Just because I know that's I mean shoot yesterday. I canceled one of my therapy things

1:06:03 I had to take Kevin to the airport. So I just had to cancel it and I get a replacement with this today just just because lucky enough to have created something but Oh, where was that? Yeah, the Oh, shit my bad. Go ahead. You were saying how cool I am Uh, one last thing I wanted to ask you those. Um, yeah to the vet center getting out sooner I recently got out It's like one one thing you wish you had learned or know before you One piece of advice maybe you could get the person getting out sooner recently just got Yeah, so it's a good question. Um If I if I had to like really Think back to when I got out and think now about the vet center getting out now If I could give him a piece of advice, it would be that They have to find, um A new purpose in life a new mission Um, a new reason to get out of bed whether it's volunteering somewhere going to college joining the club Playing a sport becoming a member of a team and some fashion way or another Like you have to become part of something else And it doesn't have to be something that's permanent in life It just keeps you being a part of something where you don't lose your purpose right away. So eventually. Yeah, you can transition and spread your wings out a little bit more but going from having like a A group of like best friends that like you can pick up your phone and call them and like

1:07:35 To being on your own Like that was the biggest mindfuck for me of like being on my own and like all that I was surrounded by was college students Who didn't understand me my parents who I couldn't explain things to very very similar Like what you said and then like, you know my girlfriend at the time who like I ended up blaming for like me getting out. So like I felt completely lost The moment that I found that group of like veterans that kind of took me under their wing and helped me navigate life That right there saved my life meant is I don't know where I would have been if it wasn't for them And I mean I I'm I stood up at one of their weddings. I'm best friends with them. We have a group chat We still talk. So if I had to give like one piece of advice, I would say that when you get out Don't seclude yourself. Don't feel like you are an alien to this world Become part of something and it doesn't have to be a veteran organization But you've got to find a reason To get about a bed to be a part of something to be a contributing member to society That's the most important part of my opinion find something that you can actually give back to the world That that will help you feel purpose again because we lose it when we get out Right on. Yeah, that's well put man No, I'm just thinking too real quick. Yeah, like also be patient with yourself like you get now you got to make new rules for yourself Yeah, try on error and it's not going to happen overnight. Thankfully with the military we're used to you know, everything taking six months so like don't expect perfection just be patient with the process and

1:09:09 Be there for other people. I'd say it's a big That's why we started this man We wanted to start creating a community and even if it's just every one person we get on the episode Like that's fine. That's a big enough community for me. You know, it's finding Finding more people that you're able to just talk openly to and if it's like this like for me It's easiest for me coming on this show not knowing who you are. Honestly. That's the easiest way of doing it I don't know who you are. You don't know who I am We come on here and look at all this common ground we found Yeah, I love the way you do it. Yeah, like it's just I don't know finding finding someone to talk to man because this One thing Kevin taught me while in the military is you are not the first one to go through this man You are not the first one like Whatever you're going through you're not the first dude that's had to go through it I'm gonna steal that one Kevin. No, go for it. No, like when he's getting divorced I bring you ain't the first dude in the army to get divorced. Yeah People people have survived worse. Yeah Yeah, that's true, man. I like that. Yeah, so it just it made me feel not alone man I wasn't alone. I knew someone did it before me So there's got to be a community out there of the people that I had it done to them or something so Just really try to like you said find a new purpose and that like it took me Six months to find out that I had to find a new purpose. Yeah I had no idea I had to do it. I had patience I'm talking about dude. Yeah, so Yeah, be patient, but I guess uh, yeah, I'm running low on time over here, man

1:10:41 We got to get you back on again, man, because this was unreal. I love you, man Yeah, I had a great time. You guys are freaking awesome, man. Yeah time time flew man. I had no idea that was this was Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like what the fuck dude? This was great, man. I appreciate this. This was a big old good old fashion gripe session Dude, thank you guys so much for having me on. I really appreciate it. It was a pleasure Um, you guys are freaking awesome, man. You guys are building something beautiful here and I'm very lucky to have been a part of it tonight So I really appreciate you guys. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Thank you and everyone else We're gonna leave a link down below to his tiktok. We'll leave a link actually to our discord And hopefully we could start getting a community a bigger better community for us veterans out here because It's hurting every day. We're hurting so If we could if y'all could show us your support Yeah, hurting as a team in the community, but yeah, that's that's all we got for this episode Hopefully see you guys next time. We appreciate you watching and thank you again jp for coming on and sharing your story, man For thank you guys. Appreciate you